Color Of Surrender (High Class Issue Series #3)

Chapter 20

I know my boundaries and priorities, this New York runway is a big deal for me but I'm already hesitating because of what Tavi said. My breathing became heavy as we talked our priorities and dreams, gosh!

I keep fidgeting my fingers and looked away because I feel that I can't fight his gaze to me, this is a serious matter because this deals with our priorities and dreams.

Maybe our fondness can wait and maybe he will understand that I need to go to pursue my dreams in New York, Tavi is kind of person who's considerate and he understands that not every people is beside him all the time.

"My dream is to go in New York." I mumbled and can't look at him in the eyes, kung noon ay walang pag-aalinlangan ang pag-alis ko papuntang New York, ngayon naman ay naguguluhan ako kung ano bang dapat kong gawin.

"Napasama ako sa mga rarampa sa fashion show na magaganap after three months." mas lalong pabigat ng pabigat ang pag-hinga ko habang sinasabi ko sa kanya ang napag-usapan namin ni Sharla, parang kanina lang ay diresto lang ang pag-sagot ko na walang dahilan para hindi ako pumunta ng New York pero ngayon ay mayroon na.

"Look at me, baby." he said the reason why I bit my lower lip and shut my eyes for a second, he's giving me a hard time to leave because honestly, I want to spend my time with my soldier.

I gained my sense and looked at him, nakita ko ang pag-aalala sa kanyang mukha na dahilan para manginig ang ibabang labi ko. Bakit pakiramdam ko ay mahihirapan akong umalis dahil sa lalaking naging parte na ng mundo ko kahit dalawang buwan palang naman ang nakakalipas simula nung mag-tama ang tingin namin?

"Now, tell me if you're going to leave me or not." he said with this heavy-chest voice the reason why I brushed my hair because of frustration, he said it already and he read that there's someone who needs to go to pursue her dreams.

"Tavi, I'm not leaving yet... may ilang araw pa ako dito bago ako umalis." pilit kong pinapakalma ang boses ko dahil kita ko na ang lungkot sa kanyang mga mata na para bang ito na ang kinakatakutan niyang mangyare.

Kung alam niya lang kung gaano kahirap na umalis na ngayon ay mayroon na kaming nararamdaman sa isa't-isa, kung alam niya lang kung gaano ko gustong manatili pero hindi e.

"After few days, you will leave." he mumbled as if he's a little kid who doesn't want to be left out, he's this kind of kid who doesn't want to be alone because he might end up accepting that no one wants to stay with him.

I shook my head and held his hand, " Look, I'm saying this to you because I want to settle things before I go. Even though we are not yet in a relationship, I want you to know what are my plans." I want to take this opportunity for us to grow, we want to pursue our dreams and we are both rooting for each other.

"Hindi mo ba alam kung ano naman ang plano ko para sa ating dalawa?" tanong niya na dahilan para manlamig ang katawan ko, may ginagawa na siyang plano sa aming dalawa kahit wala pa kami sa isang relasyon.

He sighed and held my hand, "I'm planning on courting you already, and maybe after years, I will take your hand and ask you to marry me while wearing my combat uniform." because on what he said, I'm hesitating already to go. Does he know that he already committed his life to me?

"Are you already committing yourself to me?" I asked, and I felt happy when someone committed his life to me. I don't want to depend on this love because I know there will be times that we will not understand each other.

He cleared his throat and held my hand tightly the reason why he gave me a hard time leaving, "Yes, I already committed my life to you." he mumbled with this breathy voice, my lower lip trembled but forced a smile.