Color Of Surrender (High Class Issue Series #3)

Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Charm

"Avonlea, please! Lumabas ka na diyan!" ang sabi sa akin ni Sharla na dahilan para mariin kong ipikit ang mga mata ko, tumulo nanaman ang mga luha sa aking mga mata na dahilan takpan ko ang mukha ko gamit ang dalawa kong kamay.

Sharla keeps banging the door and begging me to come out of the cubicle but I don't want to, I'm still wearing my lingerie and it was cold here inside the cubicle.

I tripped and it was embarrassing, that's my fear when it comes to runway. I didn't expect that it willy happen today, fuck! It was really embarrassing and I'm crying because my foot is aching, I tripped.

"Ayos lang naman na madapa ka, wala namang problema doon."

"I'm really sorry, Sharla. I was having this kind of anxiety facing the crowd, I was worried about my clothes, my look, the shoes and even the props. I don't even know what to do, my mind went black all of a sudden." I cried because of the way I tripped at the runway. It's common for us models to tripped but I didn't expect that it will happen today.

I was nervous and I can't help but to panic because I'm conscious about how do I look, the shoes are high and the wings at my back are heavy the reason why I started to have these negative thoughts.

Ako rin pala ang may kasalanan kung bakit ako nadapa, tangina. 

I don't even know what to think anymore. The fact that I became anxious walking in front of the crowd is embarrassing. It was rare to see me like that, and this is the first time I tripped, so it's kind of a big deal for me.

Bakit ba kasi nawala ako sa ulirat?

"Okay, calm down pero puwede bang lumabas ka na diyan sa cubicle?" nag-mamakaawang sabi sa akin ni Sharla na dahilan para suminghap ako at pinilit ang sarili ko na tumayo.

Maybe I'm just stressed. I have these thoughts in my mind that makes me anxious. When I came back after my scandal, I became worried and anxious walking in the crowd. I became cautious, and sometimes I'm in panic when a fashion show is going to happen.

Nag-punas ako ng luha at binuksan ang pinto na dahilan para tuluyan ko ng makita si Sharla, mas lalong nag-alala ang mukha niya ng makita niya ang itsura ko. I look like shit even though I'm not seeing myself, I tripped at the fashion show, and it was embarrassing that I ruined it.

"I-I ruined the show." I stuttered the reason why she shook her head and caressed my hair.

"No, it's common to a model to trip...there's no problem with that. Maybe you're just stressed because of the crowd and also the clothes you're wearing." ang sabi niya na dahilan para tumango ako, iniiyakan ko na itong pag-kadapa ko pero alam ko naman na likas na ito sa mga modelo.

"Let's make a big bawi nalang, Avon." pinakalma niya ako na dahilan para tumango ako bilang sagot, babawi nalang ako sa susunod na fashion show at pipilitin ko ang sarili ko na ayusin ang diwa ko.

Hindi puwedeng ganito ako sa trabaho ko, simula nung bumalik ako sa pag-momodelo ay hindi ko na maiwasang kabahan sa sasabihin ng mga tao sa akin. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na nasa iyo ang atensyon nila kaya mag-aalala ka kung ano ba ang iniisip nila sa'yo?

"Y-Yeah," matipid kong sabi at muling pinunasan ang mga luha ko dahil kailangan kong ayusin ang sarili ko, alam kong makikita ko nanaman ang sarili ko sa media o hindi kaya sasabihan ako ng mga staffs kung anong nangyare.

Masakit pa rin ang paa ko na sumabit sa kabilang paa ko na naging dahilan kung bakit ako natapilok, hindi ko inaasahan na mawawala ako sa ulirat sa mismong rampa pero nangyare na nga ang kinakatakutan ko.