Tomorrow [H.S. || A.U.]

Chapter 58

Tears at a funeral, tears at a funeral, I might break
Angry at all the things, angry at all the things I can't change

It's been about a week since Gramps passed away and things just feel weird.

Nothing feels right when he isn't here with me.

I miss his jokes, I miss his snarky comments, I miss him.

Today is the funeral and Venus helped me plan the whole thing.

This past week I just feel like I've been living in a different world and just going through the motions.

I swear, Venus is the only reason I'm still standing. She has been helping me so much.

I have also been sleeping a lot. When I'm asleep, the pain goes away for a while. It's nice.

This past week, my family has also had some time to get to know Venus. And I knew I would be right and that they would love her. It's impossible not to love Venus.

We got to the church where we are having the service part of the funeral not too long ago, and it has been hard talking to all of Gramps' friends. I'm trying so hard not to lose my composure.

Before the service started, I went into the bathroom to collect myself and do something that has been making me feel better this past week.

I know it is fucking crazy. But I have been calling Gramps' cell phone and leaving him voicemails, acting like I'm actually talking to him.

It makes me feel like he's still somewhat around.

The service goes on smoothly and the pastor is doing a very nice job, Gramps would like how this all turned out.

But then it came time for me to go up and give the eulogy I wrote.

I would be more nervous, but Gramps actually had me write the eulogy before he even passed away so he could approve it. It didn't surprise me at all that he requested me to do that.

Once I get to the podium in the center of the altar, I look out to see Venus giving me an encouraging look. I also see Austin, Amanda, Guinevere, and Natalie sitting next to Venus in the pew right in front.

I take a deep breath to calm myself down before I look down at the paper in my hand to start reading the eulogy I wrote.

"Thinking about his final days and looking back on the past twenty some years with my grandfather, there is so much I could say. We would be here forever if I said all I was thinking. We were best buds, especially in these past few years that I lived with him. Sometimes we even acted like an old married couple. But he had me write his eulogy so that he could approve it, so here it is."

I take another deep breath before continuing. "Fred Styles. The man we all know and love. A man who lived life to the fullest and did not leave a box on his bucket list unchecked. A man who I love with my whole heart."

"Ever since I was a baby, him and I have had a strong connection and an unbreakable bond. I remember the car rides, I remember the movie nights, I remember the card games, I remember it all."

"But there is nothing I will remember more than the times we spent living together. Deciding to more in with my grandfather was the best decision I ever made. Living with him has taught me so much. He taught me how to be patient. He taught me how to be an adult. He taught me how to laugh. He taught me how to be strong. But most importantly, he taught me how to love."

"Patience. For when someone was frustrating me but he told me to just take it, be the bigger person, and move on. For I will be better for it."

"Adulting. For just sitting on my butt was no longer acceptable, that now I have to do my laundry and not let it sit in the dryer for days on end like he so often nagged me about."

"Laughter. For it is truly the best medicine. From all the jokes we all know and love, like how he's smarter than the average bear and that he knows everything, except for what he doesn't know. And that he's a great guy, just ask him. But don't ask anybody else though."

"Strength. For when things get tough, that you have people in your corner who will build you up and you will grow stronger from the problems you face. We have had many long talks about my many problems, because being a college student, I am a mess often and he was always in my corner."

"And most importantly, love. For he loved fiercely. The way he loved my grandmother, and the fairy tale that was their love, has given me hope for a future of love so intense that he never left my grandmother's side for a moment when she was sick and needed him." I laugh lightly for a moment and shake my head. "I actually found that intense love, and I am so thankful that he got to meet her."

"And the way he loved me. I could feel it when he talked to me. The way when I would come home from school or leave for a job interview and he would tell me I look good, but not as good as him. The way he would put up with my goofy side and one time wore matching outfits with me to the golf Christmas party one year." I smile as I think about that memory. "His love for me taught me to love myself for me."

"I could stand here today and tell you how sad I am that our future together as the Fred and Harry duo no longer holds late night talks in the living room about life, or early breakfasts where he told me stories about his days in the army and being in a gang. Or singing sessions in the car, or Friday's when I would chauffeur him around the golf course, or Monday's when he would wake me up early to help him set up for poker club."

"I want to stand here today and celebrate that I had so much time with him, for he taught me these finer things in life. For I know that I will forever be alright in his book and that he doesn't care what they say about me."

"I will forever love him and forever cherish what he has done for me."

"Now, if you knew my grandfather like I knew him, you would know he had to have the last word and a say in everything. So here to finish this off, I am going to say what he wanted his eulogy to be."

"Four hole in ones. Two three hundred games. One two-ninety-nine game. One no hitter in fastpitch softball. I did it all."

"And that he did, he did it all." I say to finish it off.

After I finish, I look up and notice Austin has tears streaming down his cheeks.

I'm surprised I held it together up there myself. But Austin never cries, so I guess the eulogy was good, which makes me happy. I wanted the eulogy to make Gramps proud.

After the service ended, we all made our way in a procession to the cemetery to bury him, laying him to rest next to where my grandmother is buried.

Once we are done at the cemetery, we make our way to a restaurant we booked a room at to hold a celebration of life.

There is no changing the series of unfortunate events of what happened to Gramps. So the only option I have is to pick up my broken pieces and build myself back up.

The celebration of life is a good way to start that rebuilding process.

It is full of people sharing their favorite memories of Fred and laughing as we eat his favorite food, pasta.

I know I can't control the past, and the present still feels weird. But I am going to strive for a better tomorrow.