Fem Characters x Male reader and stuff

I need to vent again

Is life just an endless cycle of what im describing? If it is please be honest

I don't know what I want to do when I graduate, I'm a senior on top of this year being shitty (all my friends are at home so I'm also really lonely ((I know that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but its how I feel everything is just boring))), school is already hard and stressful enough as it is. I can't teach myself shit, I'm horrible at math. All the time I'm told your smart kid you make good grades you make it work. The only reason that it works and I make passing grades is that I stressfully work my ass off on the stuff that I'm shitty at like I've been doing for the past nearly 4 years. I just feel stupid all the time I don't know how I would ever survive in a college environment if I can't teach myself. It's not like I can just enter the workforce cause the cost of living just seems to be going up every fucking  day and who knows the tax ramifications that this generation and onward will have to face because of the COVID expenses. I'm always told that I have potential and just want to take me to my full potential. I don't see it. I don't know what I'm good at that would make a career. There always shit that I want to try but I never have the time! My life just seems like home, school home, school for 32 weeks out of the godamn year. I just don't want this pain and stress anymore. I'm sick and fucking tired of feeling shitty and it just seems to get worse every year. All my hobbies aren't going to get me anywhere my knowledge of history and loving to analyze film and literature and stories aren't going to get me anywhere no matter how "smart" everyone around me seems to think I am. And on top of all of that, I seem to suffer from the most embarrassing coping mechanisms and Lil limerance on top of all of that. I just want all of this to end and be able to  "live in the moment like everyone always tells me. And i know finding a girlfriend won't ever make me happy or solve any problems but this weird little hope that I get from this one girl just gives me a reason to want to get up in the morning.  I know it's creepy and desperate and I feel shameful for it and the fact that we haven't talked face to face since the 8th grade doesn't help my state either.