About (Harry Styles)

67.

Can't Breathe - Leona Lewis
Don't Let Me Go - Harry Styles

Are you there?  Of course you're not, but I have to use my imagination, right? That's what I'm supposed to do. Uh...How do I start this?

I know I haven't been a good samaritan lately.  I never go to Church, and I never say my prayers and all that stuff.  But you're prepared to forgive me, right God? 

Let me get straight to the point. If Marco is with you, please tell him ... That I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was never a good friend to him. I'm sorry that I never told him goodbye. And I'm sorry for still loving the man who was the cause of his death. I want to ask for his forgiveness but I know I don't deserve it. But I do ask that he forgives .. him.

Of course he's sinned but we've all sinned, haven't we?

He ... is a good man. The best I've ever known. Whatever happened must have been an accident. He would never intentionally inflict pain on anyone, especially someone who I knew and loved dearly. He would never wanna hurt me because he loves me. And people who love each other sacrifice their wants if it makes the other happier.

You see God, I never believed in love. I didn't think it was something that would last. It was something I stayed away from after that incident. It was something of a nightmare for me. My parents divorced and my mother married a .. monster. My father disappeared. That kind of love just didn't exist in my world.

Until ... I met him ...

I didn't expect it. I didn't even think it could work yet somehow ... somehow I fell helplessly for him. He showed me so much care, so much compassion. He showed me what it's like to be considerate and humble and patient. He showed me what it felt like to be cared for. And to be worried after. He showed me what it felt like to be loved. A love I never thought I was deserving of. A love I could only ever dream of. A love I never knew how much I wanted.

He changed me. He made me want to better for him. He made me want to be that person who makes his heart beat. He made me want to live making him happy, seeing him smile, protecting him from his fears. I want to live dreaming the same dream as him, even if it is to have children. All I want is to be by his side and be his home.

But I know I can't be that for him. Because every time he looks at me, I'm never gonna be home for him. I'll always be someone who reminds him of what he did. And to make sure I don't do that, I have to leave. As long as he no longer feels guilty and have to carry the burden, I'll pretend as if everything was a dream. After today, this was all nothing but a good dream.

Nothing but a good, happy dream.

Upon opening my eyes, I see that I am no longer alone.  I suddenly feel nervous, thinking I might have intruded without permission. 

"May I help you, Miss?"  The Sister asks me but I shake my head.

"No, but thank you."

"Seems like something is troubling you."

"How do you know?"

"People always come here when they need help.  That's why our doors are always open.  Our Lord is always ready to listen to those who carry burdens."