About (Harry Styles)

66.

I Can't Make You Love Me - Alex G (Cover)

As I follow Anne to the other side of the station, the palms of my hands start to sweat and I ball them up into fists to stop the profuse sweating.  Though there are others in the room with us, and this conversation is far from private, everyone is far enough from hearing distance. Either that, or they're pretending that we're not in the same room. I can feel Robin and Gemma's eyes on us as we sit down, watching us carefully.

Harry's mother doesn't say anything for a long while. Mother and son really do know how to torture me with all this silence. But before she speaks, the corners of her lips turn upwards into a smile, encouraging me to do the same.

"You must have been so frightened, poor thing," She says, the sweetness in her tone is back and I can't be more relieved. It's so out of character for her to wear a bitter expression.

I nod in response. Seeing someone you love be taken away from you and you can't do shit about it, it makes you feel ... helpless, useless. Harry has not one bad cell in his body so it only confused me more.
"I'm scared too," she admits. "But we'll figure it out."

Anne's gentle hands position over mine on my lap, her palms warm, just like Harry's.  My gaze meets her's, the beautiful green in them reminding me of her son.

"Even though I'm his mother and I want to watch over him all the time, I know I can't. And that's scary for me as his mum. He left home at a young age to pursue his dreams. I didn't get to watch him grow up to be the mature, young man that he is today. I was like my mum too, at first, angry with God. I didn't attend church for days. I kept wondering why He would take my son away from me. But He had his reasons, and He's blessed Harry with a path I can never repay. Because Harry got to live out his dream. He's experienced and seen so much. He has almost, if not, everything. But this ... I'm not sure why ... he has to go through this."

Anne's at the verge of tears and I, as I watch her, feel the sting in my eyes return. Hearing such words from Harry's mother, the woman who gave birth to him, who nurtured him and loved him, I'm at a loss for speech. I would never be able to understand. I thought what I felt was loss. Now I know, Anne has already lost so much.

"This punishment," Anne sniffs quietly. "What did he do to deserve it? I wish it was me instead. I wish it was me."

"Please don't say that, Mrs. Twist. Harry would never want that," I tell her and she nods weakly. "Everything will be work out.  It will be okay."

I'm not sure myself that it will be, but my measly attempt to comfort her is not unnoticed as a warm smile graces her face.  Seeing her smile instead of Harry's is not as satisfying, but it's good enough.  She pulls me into a hug, her arms wrapping tightly around me.  

"Harry used to say the same thing to me," she sighs subtly.  "Do you wanna know what he said to me now?"

"What did he say?" I immediately respond with insistence as I break away from her arms.

"He told me to tell you to go home. Back to the states. He told me to be angry with you. So that I'd scare you off," she chuckles half-heartedly. "He told me, every time he looks at you, there's so much guilt inside of him. He's convinced that you'll never forgive him, Elaine. And he doesn't want you to. He can't forgive himself for it either. When he sees you, he's only reminded of what happened."

So that's why Harry could barely look at me. I'm a walking reminder of what happened. And no matter how much I want to stay by his side and protect him, comfort him, that's the last thing I will do. Being by his side will only continue to hurt him.