64 | such a shame

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chapter playlist
• be my mistake - the 1975
• love you anymore - michael bublé
• never not - lauv

---
the next day
gemma <<<

Waking up this morning was a rollercoaster.

I remembered last night and Shawn, but then I thought that it was just a dream. When I realized it had actually happened, I felt euphoric.

Then I looked at my phone to see a message from Jesse, and I came down from my high immediately.

jesse
morning :)

And then I started crying.

I feel like the worst person in the entire world. I feel like I deserve those old-timey punishments for adultery, like being burned at the stake.

I honestly feel like I should be burned at the stake.

I wiped away my tears to examine a new text I received. This one was somehow worse.

edith
morning sunshine. i'm at brad's mom's getting gabby. just wanted to tell you that there are pictures of you and shawn leaving the party together from last night. obviously nothing bad, since i know you didn't do anything bad, but you should probably let jesse know about the situation asap. it's good for him to hear it from you, you know?

me
i'll tell him. thank you

edith
no prob girl. sorry that you still have to deal with this stuff

me
it's cool. used to it.

I felt sick. She's right, though. I just need to tell him what happened, minus the making out and confessing our everlasting feelings for each other and whatever. The sad thing is that I know he'll believe me.

me
morning jess. what's up?

jesse
nothing much. just got back from lunch.

jesse
you must have had a late night, huh?

Yeah. It was nearly one a.m. when I made out with my ex-boyfriend. Isn't that so late?

me
yeah. it was too late for me.

me
shawn was there

jesse
so i've seen

My heart dropped.

me
we got coffee. i'm sorry if it bothered you that i was with him, i should have said something before i went. nothing happened. obviously. we just did a bit of catching up

me
i'm not planning on seeing him ever again.

I didn't know whether that was true or not.

jesse
honestly, a heads up would have been nice before i woke up to a barrage of tweets about the two of you getting back together

jesse
but i trust you and i believe you, gem. i think it's nice that you guys got to talk.

jesse
as long as all you did was talk

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