chapter playlist ⏯
• love like this - ben rector
• the few things - jp saxe & charlotte lawrence
• leila - greyson chance
(one of my fave chapter playlists, tbh)
———
things i haven't told him yet
sometime in the brief summer
when the days got longer
the nights got hotter
i looked at him
and i saw
not my boyfriend
but the boy i loved
and when he looked at me
it felt like he felt it just the same
———
two months later (we love a time skip)
gemma clark <<<
Things I learned this summer:
- summer goes as quickly as it comes
- summer is magical when you are in love
- summer made his eyes brighter
- summer made my eyes brighter
- my book is getting published
- i love him
- i think he loves me back
And I'm so scared. I'm so scared of loving him. Because the last time I loved someone...the last time I gave everything to a guy, he completely broke me. My only saving grace was Shawn. But, I have a feeling that he won't be the one saving me next time. I have a feeling nobody will. At some point, I have to be accountable for myself and not rely on people to save me, anyway.
And I know, I know he's different and I can't compare him to Jake and all that. Of course I know that. But, sometimes you have to think realistically. Sometimes I need to put things into perspective, a perspective he would surely convince me is completely invalid.
The fact is that most things in life fall apart. People love each other and they get their hearts broken. That's life. But I just don't know how much heartbreak I'm made to handle. My parents broke my heart when they got divorced, my heart broke when my mom died, I think Alex got a piece of it in the mess he caused, and then Jake hit it with a baseball bat and shattered it. My heart has been through a lot, that's all. I'm scared to give it up again.
But jeez, the things this boy does to me.
The things I feel for him are insane. The ways I care about him, the way he makes me actually feel good about myself, the way I feel so at peace when I'm with him...it's all something I haven't felt in a long time. The way that I want the best for him more than I even want the best for me. The way that he somehow feels like home. The way that I need him. It's all so real; it's like falling in love all over again. It's way scarier, somehow.
"Wake up, Gemma; oh my God."
I opened my eyes barely, enough to see my annoyed little brother standing next to my bed. Liam and I forced my dad to let him come to LA so we could spend some quality sister-brother time before school starts up again. It's been fun...except for the fact that he's a fourteen year old boy and I'm a nearly twenty-year old girl. We don't exactly have the same interests.
"What's your problem?" I asked him, rubbing my eyes. My phone said it was nine-thirty. Early for me, late for him.
"I'm hungry and you're lazy," he said, crossing his arms. His hair was messy, and his pajama pants were a little short on him, since he is growing at an unreasonably fast pace.
He climbed into my bed next to me, laying his head back on the pillow.
"Wanna go out?" I asked, clearing my throat. My voice is so awful in the morning. "Or I can cook you something."
He gave me a look. "You? Cooking? I think that'd be smart to avoid," he replied.
I smiled. "You know me so well," I told him. "Give me like, twenty minutes."
YOU ARE READING
heartbreak girl | s.m.
Fanfiction"i could pull the stars down from the sky and give them to you, and you would still find a reason to say no, wouldn't you, gemma? you would still fucking go choose him." i felt like the world was crashing down on me. the one person i was completely...
