heartbreak girl | s.m.

22 | hurt

chapter playlist ⏯
• naked - james arthur
• at my weakest - james arthur
• can i be him - james arthur

(we stan james arthur in this house)

*i literally wrote about five different versions of this chapter. still not completely satisfied with this one, but it is what it is...i didn't want to keep you all waiting any longer. at least it's a pretty long chapter :)

enjoy lovely people! xxxxx (lol i'm annoying)

———
about a week later
gemma clark <<<

I saw him.

I looked right at him, and he looked right at me, and I could have bursted into tears if I would have let myself. How does he still look so perfect, even after he ruined me? How do I still want to fall into his arms?

"This is why I don't leave the house," I muttered to Edith, who was absentmindedly stirring the straw in her cup of water.

"You were bound to see him somewhere, Gem. He's Jake Dempsey. You sort of can't escape him," she told me, and I slumped into a bar stool next to her.

"Tell me if he looks at me," I said, looking down at my phone. Edith shook her head.

"Why are you worrying about him? You don't like him anymore, do you?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Of course not."

"So, who cares if he looks at you? Who cares if he's here, and who cares if he dances with some other girl, and who cares if he comes over here and confesses his undying love for you?" she said. "It doesn't matter what he does. You two are done. Forever."

I nodded, nervously biting my fingernails as I watched him. "Yeah. You're right."

We sat there for a moment or two, my mind stirring with thoughts of Jake. I hate him. But he's Jake. He's my Jake. For more than two years he was my Jake, and now I'm just supposed to ignore him like he doesn't know everything about me and hasn't seen every part of me. That's weird.

But I don't miss him. I just miss having him. I miss having someone, you know? Just someone who will hold you at night and makes you feel better when sucky things happen. A friend can't ever really be what a boyfriend could be. It's like a whole other level.

"Speaking of boys who are in love with Gemma Clark," Edith began with a smirk, and I rolled my eyes. "Where's the latest?"

I shrugged. "Home, I'm guessing. He just got back yesterday," I replied. "And he's not in love with me."

She frowned, ignoring my last comment. "Tell him to come hang with us!"

I gave her a look. "Um, are you kidding me? I don't even want to be here, so why would I make him suffer?"

She shook her head. "You just don't get it, Gem."

"What's there to get?"

"Effort is all anybody ever wants. Just ask if he wants to come out. Show him that you're thinking of him," she told me, and I sighed.

"I'm sure he knows that I'm thinking of him. What if it seems like I'm trying too hard?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

She waved it off. "With you? There's no such thing. Your "trying too hard" is everybody else's "normal amount of effort." You're still stuck in the Jake Dempsey way of relationships," she told me. "If he likes you, which he does, then it won't come across as trying too hard. It will come across as making an effort."