heartbreak girl | s.m.

1 | a girl like that

chapter playlist ⏯
• i don't even know your name - shawn mendes
• what a feeling - one direction
• here - alessia cara

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shawn mendes >>>

"Do you know who that is?"

I looked at my friend, Connor, and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Who?"

I nodded towards a girl who was sitting alone at the bar, taking tiny sip after tiny sip. She seemed to just be observing everything from her corner, looking down at her phone frequently, then back up at the people around her.

"That girl?" he asked, and I nodded. "I don't know...she looks a bit familiar though, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, she does," I said. But the familiarity wasn't what caught my eye, really. Her loneliness caught my eye. How could someone like her be alone?

She was beautiful; next-level beautiful. Like, you would bring her home to meet your mom and your mom would be confused as to why this girl is with you, she's that beautiful. But not in a fake way, or overpowering way. She was just beautiful. She looked like the quiet girl in school that no one really paid any attention to, but really was stunning once you actually looked at her. Even now, I don't understand why there's no one around her. Am I seeing something different than everyone else?

I continued to glance at her frequently, quickly bored by my surroundings. It's never been my scene, parties, but I often found myself around, with nagging friends and no excuse. A real girlfriend would give me an excuse, but I don't have one of those.

"You shouldn't keep staring at her. You should just talk to her," Connor said, giving her a quick glance before looking back at me. "She's cute."

"Cute" wasn't Connor's type, I knew. Connor's type was hot, no strings attached, all fun and no commitment. It's fine now, when we're nineteen or twenty, but it will catch up to him, and no strings attached won't fly with most girls. Besides, isn't all that stuff better when you actually have feelings for the person you're doing it with? I mean, I don't know, maybe I'm the weird one.

Honestly, what do I know? It's not like I've ever been "in love." Maybe I said I was, I don't know. But I wasn't in love. How do you even know?

All I know is that the games get boring and these parties all start to blend together, and I always feel myself getting sucked into it all over again. Hanging out with a girl for weeks just because I feel bad for telling her that I don't want this anymore. I feel like the out of place one here, because it seems that everyone else in the world is the opposite way. Easy, no strings, careless fun. No consequences. No feelings. When did feelings become such a bad thing?

I looked over at the girl for the seven hundredth time, then back at Connor. "No way."

He gave me a look. "Are you kidding me? That girl would be all over you, believe me."

"She's way out of my league," I told him, shaking my head.

"Impossible. Have a little confidence, dude. you're Shawn Mendes, for Christ's sake. Who's she?"

"I...I don't know."

"Exactly. What do you have to lose?"