chapter playlist ⏯
• youngblood - 5 seconds of summer
• blonde - waterparks
• jamie all over - mayday parade
(punk rock edition?😂)
———
gemma clark <<<
This shouldn't bother you.
It bothered me so much. I felt it in my whole body.
He's not yours and you can't tell him who to kiss and who not to kiss.
He can't kiss her. He shouldn't kiss her.
You don't even know her.
I remembered her...what was her name? It was a pretty girl name, I think.
Natalie.
Right. All he ever said about her was that he didn't like her. So why...this?
I just didn't like it. I didn't like the way that her hands were touching him, and I didn't like the way that they looked like this was some kind of music video and I was the lonely girl on the outside looking in. I hated how I couldn't stop staring. I hated how I wanted to be her.
What is wrong with me?
I need a drink or something. I think something is wrong with my brain.
They pulled apart, and I looked away for a moment so they wouldn't see me staring. Jake finally stopped talking to whoever he was talking to and came up behind me. "Sorry. I was talking to Aaron." I nodded, although I didn't know who Aaron was, but I didn't care. I held my gaze back on Shawn and Natalie, but mostly Shawn. The whole thing made me so angry, for no good reason.
And then he looked right at me, his eyes meeting mine. There was something a little apologetic about his look, like he was saying sorry with his eyes.
I just shook my head and looked away, trying to convey my disappointment in him.
"What's wrong?" Jake asked, deciding to pay attention to me for a moment in time.
I looked over his shoulder and Shawn was walking away, not even looking at me.
"Nothing," I replied with a sigh. I watched him seem to fade into the crowd, if that was even possible for him. "Nothing at all."
What am I doing?
Natalie stood where she had been, seemingly watching him walk away. She then turned, and our eyes met for a split second. She didn't look particularly mean; her eyes were soft and almost sad. She was really pretty still; this was the first time I really looked at her, and everything about her was perfect. She was taller than me, with long legs and smooth skin. The light hit her blonde hair perfectly, and her blue eyes hit you like a brick. A girl like that. She's flawless. Just being in the same room as her was intimidating. How can any guy in the world look at me next to a girl like her and choose me? It's just impossible.
She still sucks.
She turned on her heel and walked away.
"I'll be back," I told Jake, and he nodded, because he had already found somebody to talk to, and he didn't witness the whole Shawn-Natalie thing, so he didn't know that that's who I was going to talk to.
I pushed past all of the people, thankful that I chose sneakers instead of heels tonight. I saw him walk out the back door, followed him, and then braced myself for the cold air.
He stood with his hands in his pockets, looking out at something. He must have heard my footsteps, because he quickly turned around to look at me. He shook his head, and I couldn't help but smile.
YOU ARE READING
heartbreak girl | s.m.
Fanfiction"i could pull the stars down from the sky and give them to you, and you would still find a reason to say no, wouldn't you, gemma? you would still fucking go choose him." i felt like the world was crashing down on me. the one person i was completely...
