heartbreak girl | s.m.

63 | not even close

God, hearing her talk to me felt amazing. I have imagined what this conversation would feel like a million times in my head, and now we're doing it. In the version in my head, however, she usually confessed that she still loved me and regretted everything she did and said last March, but I didn't really expect that part to ever come into fruition. This was good enough, for now.

"What about you, superstar?" she asked with a smile. She was gaining confidence as we went on; I could tell. She has the upper hand on me, really. I'm just the idiot she broke up with. She's the heartbreaker.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't want to come, but Paige is out of town and Connor was nagging me. I didn't have a good excuse."

I wanted to stare at her. I wanted to take her in again. Her eyes and her lips and her nose and her ears and her hair and her fingers and her legs. I wanted to remember it, to know it like I used to know it so well.

Stop. You have a girlfriend.

Gemma just nodded.

"So, did Edith really not know you were here? Or was this just a big plan to get us to see each other again?" she asked. I had to laugh.

"I thought the same thing. I really don't know," I replied, which was true. I definitely have my suspicions. Connor was practically begging me to come, which he doesn't really do anymore.

Silence between us. Well, the room was loud. The music was loud. I wanted to be in a quiet room with her, just to talk. I just want to hear her voice with no background noise. I want to look at her with no distractions.

She took the last sip of her drink, downing it as if she needed the boost.

"You're graduating soon, right?" I asked, remembering that she's only a month or two away from being done with school.

She nodded. "Yep. You don't even know how excited I am to be done."

I chuckled. "I can still see you hunched over your laptop and like, seven books at three a.m., on the verge of tears, threatening to drop out."

She laughed, throwing her head back like she genuinely thought that was funny. I felt so accomplished.

"And now, you're almost done," I said. "Must feel good."

I remember all those nights where she stayed up later than me to study, and all those times she said she couldn't hang out because she had work to do, and all those meltdowns about how she was never going to make it. And now she's made it, and I don't get to see it. I feel robbed.

She nodded. "I just need to pass my exams. Then I'll feel good."

As if there was any chance she wouldn't pass them.

"What have you been up to? The usual?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I've had a pretty chill couple of weeks, though. I'm trying to lay low until summer."

She nodded. "Sounds smart. Busy summer?"

"Very busy summer," I replied. She knew all about busy summers. I didn't want to talk about me anymore, though. "Edith says you're working for Isaac now? Like, for real?"