Based of - 3x01 (I've had to switch the timing of this scene a little to fit with the kind of plot for the rest of the time in the bunker) Words - 1296 Warnings - suicide attempt, depression
A/n - I'm so sorry again, this was meant to be posted before but wattpad had messed up all my parts. I'm so sorry but please enjoy these last few parts anyway :)
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All the laughter and smiles that had come from the week before almost felt like nothing but a dream now. It was as if everything was setting in. You didn't have long left until all the food ran out and you would starve to death. Neither you or Murphy really spoke up about anything. It was too daunting to. Knowing that no matter what words left your lips, no matter the things your thoughts could conjure up now, it would be nothing in a the next couple of months.
As much as you felt the heaviness, Murphy felt it ten times harder. See, unlike you, his thoughts were like a virus. It was always one after another, never ending. None of which were filled with anything to bring him hope. Why keep going, he would ask himself. You were both going to die anyway. And as much as he wanted to stay here with you, he knew you would have a better chance alone. You would have more food. More time for someone to find you. Because he knew that you deserved that chance much more than he did.
With you having fallen trapped within the bathroom, Murphy laid on the sofa. His eyes were trained on the weapon sitting on the coffee table in front of him. His eyes were brimming with water as it awaited it's escape. Murphy hadn't seen you for a least a day now. It wasn't as if the two of you were avoiding another but in fact, avoiding the thoughts that were flooding your mind like a tsunami. But Murphy was overwhelmed. He couldn't deal with this. Maybe you could but this was beyond him. He never had been the one to know who to handle his emotions.
He knew he couldn't just pull the trigger. At least not without saying goodbye in some type of way. He had taken the idea from what the TV had showed him. Taking the camera into his hands, he pressed the small record button. This really was it, he thought to himself, he really was going to do it. After all this time, after everything the two of you had survive, this is how he gave up. This was what pushed him over the edge.
He didn't start straight away. With the video starting, he simply took a moment to himself. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to really say. "It's been a month." He started, voice sniffled as it shook out his words. He almost scoffed at his thoughts as he planned out his next statement. "Really never thought i'd missed the Ark this much." Hell, the Skybox would be better than this place. No matter how many nights you and Murphy had tried to force your betraying feelings they still crept in. They were always going to.
"Anyway," He continued, his eyes turning back to the camera. "Jaha if you're seeing this that means you're not dead so, screw you!" He practically screams his last words. Though, his loud tone had been more important than he would ever know. Because them words had been the thing to shake you from your own thoughts.
Removing your head from between your knees, your brows fell knitted. Maybe Murphy really had lost it, your mind spoke. It wouldn't surprise you. With everything surrounding you, maybe that was better than being stable. Still with his loud tone, it had made you move from the floor. You took a glance in the mirror, quickly wishing you hadn't. Your body had been clued to the bathroom floor for hours down. Your head stuck between your knees as you begged for the darkness to fade around you. It never did.
Still, you push away your stray tears and push yourself from the tile filled room. As you made your way out to where the voice was coming from, Murphy continued. "And Y/n," His voice was soft this time. He wasn't angry. He didn't know what to think when it came to you. "I'm sorry. Not just for this, but for everything." With that, the camera shut.
It seems as if you had walk in at the right time. Falling from the hallway that led to the bedroom, your eyes found Murphy. He was sat, gun to chin as he awaited the strength he needed to pull the trigger. Luckily for you, it never came. Instead, your rush from your spot, sliding down to where Murphy was sat. He wouldn't look at you. He was to disappointed in himself to do so.
Your hands found their way to his cheeks, stroking them in such a caring way. "Hey, Hey, John, look at me. Look at me." You tell him, more rushed and hasty than ever. Though, that haste had been the thing that made your overlook your words. More importantly, the name that fell from your lips.
However, it hadn't overlooked Murphy. He forced his eyes up to you. "Hey," You repeated before letting your fingers wrap around the weapon that was in his hand. "Just keep looking at me, okay?" He did. And because of that, you were able to take the gun from his hand and take into yours. Once it was, you practically threw it to the floor so you knew Murphy would be safe.
Again, through the haste you hadn't thought about you movements. And, before you could stop yourself, your arms fell around the boy. "Your okay." You whisper to him as your hand went to rub gentle circles on his back. He didn't dare let go of you. His mind was racing but you had slowed them. You had stopped them. Because you were here, he felt as if he could finally breathe, as if he was no longer drowning in his thoughts.
Question after question they came. Why did he do? Had you done something wrong? You didn't know what to think. Just in that moment you never thought you had felt so much relief. You were hesitate at first but once pulling from the boy, you come about with your questions. "What happened?" Your voice was quiet, almost awaiting the shame that would follow would Murphy said he couldn't stand this anymore. That he couldn't stand being locked inside this place with you.
"I just-" He didn't know what to tell you. He didn't know what'd you think of him. Weak? Probably. Unlike you, he hadn't been able to deal with it. "I couldn't do it anymore." He finally answers. Again, you were at a loss. The only thing you felt as if you were able to do was wrap your arms back around the boy. He had appreciated it, more than you would ever know.
Because to him it wasn't just a hug. It was a reminding that you were here, you didn't hate him and he wasn't alone. No matter what happened down here, you would have one another. And after today, that could only show much that would mean. As much as Murphy could think of it, he came to the conclusion that maybe he needed you. He knew for a fact he did down here. But back up on the the ground would be a different question. But, like he had already thought, you were in the bunker now with no sign of getting out. So, for now, he suck to the simple fact in that he needed you.
