end of the day | seongjoong

chapter seventy one

seonghwa dragged his body into the cafeteria, feeling absolutely drained from the days before. he looked over to his lunch table in hopes to see that hongjoong and his friends came back to today, but his heart dropped when he noticed they were still sitting in their olds seats like they did the day before.

seonghwa plopped down in his seat next to jongho, immediately putting his head into his hands when he sat. jongho patted seonghwa's back while taking a bite of his sandwich, trying to comfort his friend a bit.

"so they're still sitting over there?" seonghwa mumbled, not meeting the gaze of any of his friends as he spoke.

"sorry to be blunt, but did you really expect to see them here? my own boyfriend won't sit with me, but i understand why. hongjoong needs him more than i do right now." san stated with a shoulder shrug, not really feeling bad for what he said.

"i agree with san. i miss yeosang, but i know hongjoong comes first." jongho spoke up before seonghwa could reply.

"i mean i didn't expect them to be here, but i was hoping some sort of miracle would happen." seonghwa whispered out.

"well maybe you should've thought of that before breaking the poor boy's heart." yunho said while taking a sip of his water.

"you know what, you guys aren't helping me right now!" seonghwa exclaimed, pulling at the hair on his head as he spoke.

"i'm sorry seonghwa, but it's the facts. have you even tried talking to him since friday?" mingi asked.

"i mean, i've tried calling him and texting him, but he doesn't answer. and he won't even look at me in person. i don't know how to fix it." seonghwa looked up from his lap and into mingi's eyes as he answered his question.

"you know what, i need to know the answer." yunho said as he put down his water, "can you please tell us the exact reason you hurt hongjoong? the reason you didn't want to take him to the formal? you seemed not to care what people thought of the two of you for a while, why the sudden change?" yunho asked his friend, wanting to know the reason he decided to break hongjoong's heart out of nowhere.

seonghwa took a deep breath before speaking. he knew this burning question was bound to be asked, and he knew exactly how to answer it.

"one day when i was walking to class, minho and jaehyun came up to me. they asked me why we let hongjoong and his friends sit at our table. and i'm not going to lie, i panicked. i was scared to tell them that i was talking to hongjoong. so instead of telling them the truth, i said since hongjoong is jongho's brother, they were sitting with us because jongho invited them over. they then proceed to tell me that sitting with them would be 'social suicide' and i should tell jongho to make them leave the table. their words really stuck in my head, and for some reason, i let them control me. and then, i made the biggest mistake of my entire life.

i'm so sorry for it. i'm so fucking sorry for everything i did. i'm a horrible person, i know... you don't need to remind me. the day i told jongho that i liked hongjoong, he trusted me. he asked me to promise to love hongjoong and never break his heart, and sadly, i broke that promise. i broke his trust. so to you, jongho, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for not being the person you wanted me to be to hongjoong. i'm so sorry for it.

and i'm not just sorry to you, jongho. i'm sorry to all of you guys. i'm sorry for lying to everyone here, for telling everyone that i wasn't going to the formal when i always knew i would be there. i always had the plan to go, never once did i think i wouldn't be there. but instead of telling you guys my situation, i lied. and if i told you guys, i definitely wouldn't be in this mess... you would've all talked me out of it and would've made me realize my mistake earlier.