end of the day | seongjoong

chapter sixty three

jongho paced around his room anxiously, pulling at his hair as a single tear dripped down his face. his mind was running wild, driving him absolutely insane.

am i thinking this because i just broke up with ryujin? i mean, there's no way... i'm straight, i can't possibly like yeosang. maybe i just feel bad because i know the kid likes me? yeah, maybe that's it... but what if it's not?

jongho plopped down on his bed and buried his head into his pillow. he screamed out loud, the pillow making the noises sound muffled to his own ears. jongho flipped his body over and stared up into the ceiling, rubbing his temples with his index fingers.

"i just don't understand... i never l-looked at him this way. why have i been thinking of him differently these past few days?" jongho whispered to himself, choking up on his words a bit as he spoke. he started punching the air, trying his best to let out his frustration without anyone else in the house hearing.

jongho sat up from his bed and looked around his room. he grabbed his cell phone off the bedside table and opened it, typing out a text message to one of his friends.

"this is the only way i'll be able to get closure..." jongho trailed off as he pressed send. he then threw his phone and put his head down, hoping for a quick power nap to help ease his nerves.

——

"hey man, you sounded really distraught in that text. is everything ok?" san asked as he opened the front door of his house, sounding extremely concerned for his friend.

"i'm... i'm not ok, actually." jongho spoke through heavy breaths, sounding as if he was about to cry.

"come in right now, let's go to my room and then you can explain everything that happened to me." san moved over and allowed the boy to enter his house, shutting the door and locking it behind jongho after he came inside.

jongho took it upon himself to walk to san's bedroom, not bothering to wait for his friend to lead him through his own house. once jongho entered, he took a seat on san's bed and put his head in his hands, rubbing his face in attempt to stop himself from crying.

san took a seat beside the boy, putting a comforting arm on his back and rubbing it up and down. san decided against speaking first, wanting to give jongho space and to let him explain his problem whenever he was ready.

"how," jongho began speaking, "h-how did you know you liked wooyoung?" jongho choked out, a single tear escaping his left eye as he asked.

san looked at his friend a bit confused, not completely understanding why he wanted to know about his relationship with wooyoung. rather than questioning it, san answered honestly, hoping whatever he was about to say would help his friend regardless.

"from the first moment i met him, in all honesty. i had genuinely never seen someone more adorable in my entire life. when hwa and i were watching the boys, i spent the whole time with wooyoung. he was an anxious little mess, and i loved every moment of it. right off the bat he told me i was cute, and for some reason i was happy to hear that from him. and i especially knew i liked him after hooking up with yuna. we didn't have sex that night because when we were making out, the only person i could think of was wooyoung. i wanted to kiss him, not yuna." san finished explaining, trying his best to tell jongho every detail he could think of. jongho nodded his head, trying his best to process all the information he was just told.

"ok." he answered simply, confusing san even further. his curiously took over, so he decided to ask jongho for more detail.

"i wasn't going to ask, but i feel like i can't tell you anymore information unless i really know why i'm explaining all of this to you so... why are you asking me about wooyoung?" san hesitantly questioned the younger, making jongho nervously chuckle in response. he figured the question was coming, but he was hoping san wouldn't ask.

"if i'm being honest, i'm really confused right now." jongho said quietly, almost too low for san to hear. san furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding what jongho could be confused about.

"what are you confused about? didn't you just break up with ryujin? do you still like her or something? did you break up with her for another girl? did you meet another girl since then?" san rambled out question after question, fogging jongho's head up before he could even think of a response.

"san, one question at a time!" jongho screamed out, making san feel bad for pushing the younger in his time of need.

"ok, let me start over." san said while continuing to rub jongho's back, "do you still like ryujin?"

"no." jongho responded without having to think.

"did you break up with her for another girl?" san asked.

"no..." jongho trailed off a bit, making san furrow his eyebrows for a split second.

"um... did you meet another girl since then?" san asked. san tried to make eye contact with jongho but the boy looked away from him, staring down into his lap while trying to come up with a response.

"so i'll take that as a ye--"

"he's a boy." jongho suddenly blurted out, immediately covering his mouth in surprise at his own words.

san's eyes popped out of their sockets in surprise. he never knew jongho liked boys, and he now understood why the boy looked so distraught when coming over.

"jongho, it's ok to like boys." san smiled at his friend, pulling him in for a hug as the tears flowed fast down jongho's cheeks.

"but san, i don't get it. never once in my life have i ever been attracted to a boy. hell, i just broke up with my girlfriend! do you think i'm just confused?" jongho asked while wiping his tears, hoping san would tell him he's just confused.

"i can't tell you if you're confused jongho, i'm not in your head. but what i can tell you is that if you're thinking of a certain someone as more than just a friend, chances are you like them for more than just a friend, regardless if they're a boy or a girl." san explained to jongho, pulling away from the hug and looking into his eyes as he spoke.

"but why! i don't want to like a boy." jongho shook his head while crying, the salty tears entering the corners of his mouth as he spoke.

"you can't help who you like , jongho. you can't control emotions like that, they just happen. love is love, isn't it?" san asked and jongho nodded his head.

"yeah, i guess you're right. it is. but i just don't understand... i've been with girls all my life, always confident on my sexuality. why the sudden change?" jongho asked while looking into san's eyes, hoping for an answer.

"once again, i can't tell you the answer to this question. things just happen. now you don't need to tell me who the boy is, but i'm sure whoever it is is a great guy and deserves your love. the one thing i can tell you is don't push your feelings back. if you do, you will regret it. i can guarantee that." san wiped jongho's tears, grabbing the boy's cheeks and pulling on them roughly. jongho laughed in response, a smile finally forming on his face for the first time since he arrived at san's.

"you know what, maybe you're not an asshole." jongho laughed and clenched his body, bracing himself for impact. san hit him hard but laughed nonetheless, finding what he said to be funny.

"yeah yeah yeah. you help a friend out and still get called an asshole!" san threw his arms in the air dramatically.

"no matter what ever happens in life, you'll always be king asshole in everyone's eyes." jongho shrugged his shoulders, playfully punching san in the arm, "but in all seriousness, thank you so much. i really needed that talk. i knew you'd be the right guy to go to."

"anytime, little one. now come on, no more tears! let's order a pizza." san said as he stood up. jongho cheered in response, standing up and rushing out of san's room to order the food.

for the next two days i have to go to FOUR. GRADUATION. CEREMONIES. for my grade. since i'm class president or whatever the FRICK i have to make a speech at EVERY SINGLE ONE. i want to die. i didn't even wanna make that fricken speech ONCE let alone FOUR TIMES. at least i mention bts in it🧚🏼‍♀️

-vic