SEÑORITA AND HER KNIGHT

XVII:SEÑORITA

ROWAN

If you can't be a good child, then at least be useful, even just for once.

Then, I can be useful in this way... Yes.

It will lessen her burden. I am a mere useless child that her husband chose to neglect.

My existence will only remind her that she was not enough as a wife and a woman.

These words kept running on repeat in my mind.

In my death dream, every time I opened my eyes, I saw Kadilyan shed tears while looking at me. He kept on weeping and asking for forgiveness. It confused me, why he is asking for forgiveness, for what?

It saddens me when I see him weeping. Is it because I'm dead? It's fine, I'm just a nobody. He could find someone better than me. Someone wouldn't be a problem for him, he's a rare and worthy of the best things in this world.

And it's not me.

It was funny, every time I see his cousins standing beside him. They all looked apologetic and concerned at the same time.

They totally shouldn't be needed to felt bad about not being able to treat me better, it's fine, I'm not that important. They shouldn't feel sorry.

I was also surprised when I saw my mother with them. They were all trying their best to comfort her. It was wonderful to see that they can be with my mother, hoping it will also happen in reality and not only in my death dream.

Time will heal them, they will be happier without me.

After seeing them, I went back to the darkness. It was comforting to be there. It was not suffocating like the darkness in reality. It felt like I'm just sleeping with blank dreams.

I can't feel anything at all in this darkness!

"Rowan Mei."

Eh? I heard someone was calling me.

"Rowan." That was weird, its voice sounded like my half-brother. "Rowan." Suddenly, the darkness started to fade away.

Oh, even on my death dream, my half-brother appears?

When I stared at him, he grinned widely.

Ang harsh naman, ito ba ang kabayaran sa kasalanan na ginawa ko? Kailangan 'yung mga taong nagpahirap sa buhay ko pati sa kamatayan ay hahabulin ako? Baka ang susunod na bumisita sa akin, e' ang tatay ko? Nako naman.

I decided to ignore what he was saying and went back to the darkness.

Lubayan niyo na ako at magpakasaya sa buhay niyo.

But instead of going back, something snapped inside of my head and felt the warmth of his hands that had been twisting my feet. A dull pain that I started to be aware of. The sensation added when I felt he dug his nails into it.

It registered in my shitty mind that I need to fucking stop him and beat his shit until he dies, too.

"Ahh," I screamed in pain and abruptly rose from dreaming. I tried to grab him. Unfortunately, something stopped me by wrapping around me.

Let me fucking go!

"Aah," I yelled louder, locking my eyes to Lilo. I tried to bring my body nearer to him, forcefully twisting my body so it'll release me.

Let go!

The increasing rage I felt inside of me as I kept on trying to unbound myself from the thing that was wrapping me. I could hear a buzzing sound around me that I can't seem to understand.