SEÑORITA AND HER KNIGHT

XVI:SEÑORITA AND HER KNIGHT

ROWAN

I just woke up from a nap. I fell asleep from crying too much. I looked through the window and it was dark already. I had a recollection of what happened earlier. I facepalmed myself when I realize I was being rude towards his cousins.

Well, they're a bunch of pretentious people

I slammed my head on the pillow in frustration. I was about to dial up Kadi's number to apologize, but an unregistered number called me.

"Hello," I said after answering it.

"Rowan, Apo. This is your Lola Lily," my father's mother greeted.

"Apo, gusto ko lang malaman mo ito," she said in a panic as she continued her words. "I learned that it was Saraiah who bought your mother's house," she exclaimed in low voice.

"I want you to keep this fact away from Nicky, I mean your mother. Are we clear, Apo?" she said in a pleading voice, whispering on the other side.

"Can you do that, Apo? " she asked me.

"Yes, po."

Bigla na lang nag-ingay sa kabila, "Sige, I need to go. Bye, Apo."

Hindi ba nila ako naiisip? They're too selfish. Nasasaktan din ako. I wish that it'll all go away. Nakakapagod. Ganito na lang ba ako palagi. Iniiwan, sinasaktan at sinisisi. What if I suddenly stop existing?

Naagaw ang atensiyon ko nang may marining akong mga boses sa labas. Napatayo ako sa may bintana. Napatingin ako sa direksiyon nila kahit malabo ang aking mata alam kong siya iyon. Mabilis akong kumilos para kunin ang salamin ko. Pagkatapos ko itong isuot ko ay tiningnan ko silang muli mula sa bintana.

I was too excited to see him, but excitement turned to disappointment. I suddenly felt lonely. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako dapat nandito.

I saw him laughing with his cousins and a woman beside him. They looked so natural and comfortable with each other, even his cousins warmly welcomed her.

I was well aware that she's Pil's fiancé, but the way she looked at Kadi, my guts tell me that there's something. I heard a lot of compliments about her from Kadi's mouth, that she's the kind of perfect secretary he had.

When can I be that kind of perfection?

When I couldn't no longer watch them, I sat on my bed. I noticed from the side of my eyes, my reflection on the mirror.

I turned my body while still sitting. I intently looked at the mirror.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, am I the ugliest of them all?" I asked the mirror and started to laugh.

"You all said that I looked beautiful, then why can't I see it?" I talked to myself aloud.

"They said, I'm smart, but why I can't be useful?"

"They thanked me because I always help, but no one helped me when I needed them."

I can't see my value anymore.

"I've grown so tired." My tears started to pour.

What was I've been fighting for?

I can't remember what it is anymore.

If I die, my mother will know nothing at all.

She'll cry if I die, but I'll lessen her burdens in life.

I'm so sorry if I can't be useful to her, I'm always useless.

A failure.

A loser.