Turning The Page

Twenty Seven

It's hard to keep Silas from noticing the way my thighs keep wanting to twitch as his hand roams my belly under my borrowed shirt as we continue to watch the others splash about in the pool. I had sent a text to Aurie's phone the moment he had hopped up stating his purpose to go and grab some extra towels from their room... And now there is nothing I can do but hope he notices the notification before he gets back while praying to every single god I can think of that either he or Babybug has some heat tablets for me to borrow... 

If Quinn were here it would be as simple as slipping him some cash to go get them for me... Though with how fidgety he's been acting lately I wonder if he'd still be willing to do me any favors... This adds to the odd flow of guilt swirling around under Silas's palms for not being a better friend to him lately and not pushing him to tell me what was wrong the last time we talked... 

I haven't had my mind spiral out like this since before I met my very sweet, still very stressed mate, and it's hard to try and keep my mouth shut instead of reaching out to Silas for help... But reaching out means telling him that my heat is finally starting to take hold... And I just feel like that would be piling too much on his plate right now with how hard it's getting for him to try and get used to the adjustment we're about to have to make having to separate while dealing with the anxiety he feels just being here.  

There's no way for me to be sure if the dizziness starting to gather behind my eyes is because of the heat from being outside, or the heat starting to rise up inside of my body... Though I know I shouldn't actually be showing signs of the fever yet... It sure feels like I might be though. If Silas hadn't taken the initiative to rub my belly like he normally does I would likely be rubbing it myself to try and soothe some of the cramping happening underneath his palm. Cramping he doesn't realize he's currently soothing acting on his ever-persistent need to fondle my pudge whenever he can. 

There isn't a real way to tell if he's noticed a change in my scent without tipping him off to the fact that he should be noticing a difference in my scent... The only thing I can think of that's actually stopping him from doing so is the generous slathering of sunblock I had made sure both of us had had before coming out here, something I had been diligent reapplying watching Aurie do it repeatedly to protect his fair skin... And just like that... Think of the Albino and he shall finally reply, but instead of a text, he decides to call me instead and holy crap if I don't jump nearly a mile out of my own skin. 

...

Silas

...

I don't think my sweet Bean has ever been so squirmy in my lap before, and it's downright shocking when he glances over his shoulder upon answering his phone and pulls away from me... Not far... Just to sit on the end of the lounger that we're currently sharing where he can whisper into his phone while trying to avoid letting his eyes wander up to my face where I am staring at him in very fluent what the fuck?

He won't tell me the truth about being uncomfortable and now he's worried about me overhearing phone calls...

It just feels like maybe after seeing me break down over the thought of being away from him he's lost confidence in me... I can't say that I haven't lost confidence in me... Any other time I would have slammed Kelvin against his desk and told him that he and the council can suck it, but it was all I could do to just try and breathe through the stench of all of the other wolves that had come through his office... It had been stifling and smothering and all I had wanted was to get out of there after Kelvin had shown his ass and let us know that he would be keeping said ass out until the end of the conference. 

All I want to do is hold my Princess... And convince him that if we were to leave right this moment that no one would be able to stop us, and it would be as simple as just not going home... I know I would be fine in that kind of situation, wandering the rest of our lives avoiding the flow of the other packs... I'd even be able to finally cut my hair of my own choice instead of letting it grow for the sake of the treaty... I could be happy moving from place to place and never settling down... But Adrian wouldn't. He deserves a pack and friends and a home for our babies to grow up in that he can grow old in... And that is why I haven't snapped him up and run... And that is why if he wants a little space from me right now with all of my negativity and swirling anxiety... He can have it... Just so long as he doesn't pull away from me completely... As long as the looks he gives me over his shoulder come with a heavy undertone of love everything will be okay... I just need to make sure I don't let my wolf and my anxiety convince me that the love isn't there anymore... Because I know how he feels about me... And even if he has lost confidence in me, he's still here... He's still on the lounger even if he's not in my arms... He's still giving me affection, his free hand finding its way to my ankle so he can rub the flesh there with his thumb while he whispers to whoever has called him, the voice on the other end of the line not loud enough to be picked up by my ears over the splashing happening in the water in front of us.