Turning The Page

Ninety Seven

"Go ahead, Baby... It's okay... They're your friends... And I'm right here so even if they wanted to hurt you they can't... Not with Daddy around... Isn't that right?" I know that Daddy is doing his best to be supportive... And I appreciate him putting me down when I started to feel like the other Luna's were staring at us... But I feel like some of them are watching the way Daddy keeps his arms around my waist... And the way he whispers the words into my neck instead of just talking like their mates do... 

I know that it's not anything we should feel the need to hide... But it's making me feel shy and I'm not sure how to stop feeling so shy about it because maybe they are upset that I got to spend the week with Daddy when the rest of them had to separate... I know that Aurie and Cricket both had no problem with it or any jealousy but I can't assume that all of the others feel the same... Or that they haven't noticed my absence in their conference room and smelled my pheromones still clinging to their mates clothes every time they were all allowed to reunite...  And I know that they know I wouldn't be here unless I was with my own Alpha... But still... It feels like I've been rude all week and I don't know how to get comfortable when I was supposed to spend the week getting to know them and didn't...

When we had made it back to our group we had been joined by more people waiting for the doors to the Luna's conference room to open... And the problem is... Aurie and Cricket know some of these Luna's from spending all week with them and now I feel like I can't interrupt them because I haven't really talked to any of them yet and I don't know them... And it's not just that Cricket and Aurie have spent just this week with them... Some of them have been Luna's for years... So I feel even further away from approaching them and the only thing keeping me from turning tail and running back to our room is the fact that I still have snacks for them in my arms waiting to be eaten... All I wanted to do was share...

I really want to give them their snacks but I don't know how to push myself through the tiny crowd of gaggling Lunas and chuckling Alphas as they all laugh over a joke I'm sure one of them spouted... A joke I want to laugh at too...

...

Silas

...

I never realized how awful it would be to watch my sweet Jelly Bean be so tripped up by his social anxiety... I always knew in the back of my mind that he did legitimately have it... And I've caught moments of it before... I've even been on the receiving end of it for a few hours at the beginning of us starting together... 

But I didn't think about how hard it would be to watch him in a situation like this where he feels so self-conscious that even the thought of taking comfort in me by letting me hold him instead of having his perfect feet on the ground supporting himself... But he feels like it would draw too much attention back to us... The attention he doesn't want... Because he thinks everyone should be upset with him for not having to be with them in the Luna room all week... And I don't know how to help him with this... I have my own special brand of social anxiety and while it's not as crippling as Addy's seems to be, his knees shaking at just the thought of taking a step forward and joining the others as they giggle over the cheesy pot joke Cricket let slip...

But if he could see what I see at the moment he'd notice that every time one of the small gaggle that has gathered looks over at us all I see are small smiles that look understanding and inviting... Well... Inviting and annoying... And too close for comfort... 

His brain just won't let him recognize them that way... 

At first, I wonder if maybe we should head back to the room if only to grab some of his anxiety medication... If not to do anything other than calm his heart down before it beats right out of his chest due to his nerves...

But it turns out that I don't have to redirect us towards the elevator, Lukas and Harper finally noticing us lingering on in the background instead of coming forward... And they choose to excuse themselves before tapping their mates on the shoulder and bobbing their heads towards us, Addy's eyes too focused on the floor to try and hide how close he is to crying for him to notice the new development that has me smiling... My sweet Mama might not be able to go to his friends in all of his shyness... But his friends will never hesitate to come to him, no matter who they are or where we are... Just like at home when the boys come over because Addy doesn't want to leave the house due to wanting to stay comfy...

...

Adrian

...

"Addy? You okay?" Aurie's voice is gentle enough to nearly break the dam holding my tears at bay... But the feel of Daddy still holding me around the waist makes me think maybe it would be okay to think that Aurie's gentleness is just gentleness... If he were aiming for something other than being nice Daddy will put a stop to it because Daddy wouldn't ever want not nice things to happen to me... I know that if anyone is mean that he always has my back...

I just feel silly that I wasn't able to swallow the lump in my throat and push past my anxiety to give them their treats, "I- I'm sorry!"

I forget that I'm holding things and end up dropping the chips and candy with the intention of hiding behind my palms, but instead, I stare in horror as the snacks I had picked out for the three of us land on the floor, my chest starting to feel tight as the group Aurie and the guys had just walked away from start to pay more attention over me dropping everything...