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26. November 2018.

Yesterday I took a liberty to text him because I needed him, I needed one of his cute and smart texts. I am nervous about presenting my thesis which is in two days, of course, I would be freaking out because I have no one around me. At the moment I had no one that I cared about to help me, to be there for me, to cheer me on, I only had him but yet I haven't. I wanted to ask him to come to my presentation but I knew that he would make me even more anxious and nervous so I didn't say anything. I want him to be with me, I am so scared. I know I passed it and that this is just a formal thing but still it is a big deal. I am just sad that I have no one by my side. My mom is in the states because my grandma is sick and she needed to be with her, my sister lives in Italy and it's not like she can pop in every time I need her, she has her own life. Well, I still feel alone, the big day is coming and I had a pretty big panic attack the other day. It took me a while to calm down. I learned what I needed to calm down on moments like those. I have played one of Will's voice messages and my heart starts pumping slower and then it got to a normal pace. It's weird how much I need him, how he affects me. So, I texted him yesterday and I got a good text, it was a little bit philosophical but that's him, it's who he is, yes, I wouldn't respond like that but I still appreciate that he had the time to send me. He's sometimes too philosophical, I would like him to be less but I don't want him to change, I like him just the way he is. Sometimes I say that to my mom, to just take it down a notch when she's being too philosophical and it's too much to handle, she's improving. She never gets mad if I tell her not to do this or that, she uses it to be better, a better version of herself.

I didn't walk long on the treadmill because of the pain that I had in my leg. It wasn't pleasant. We haven't talked like we usually do because we had company, well it's the gym, of course, there will be people around us but usually, we are alone and I got used to it. After the training, he asked me if I was nervous about my masters and I said that I had a small panic attack and that I wish for no more but mostly I'm fine.

This what he does for a living, this is not just a job, I know that he loves this, he loves working in this profession. You can see it in his eyes, he loves helping people in any way that he can. It makes him sexier and attractive, he has such a beautiful mind.