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10. - 11. June 2019.

10. June

 He killed me physically. I was more than exhausted. I don't know what happened to him to do this, to have training like this, it's way too much. By the way, I feel good, finally. I feel like everything is good and that we are good but aside from being good I wanted to kill him for training, he can sometimes be insane. He said that he's going on a short business trip soon. It was fine with me but this time, about this trip I just... I don't know. I didn't have a good feeling about it, it's not like it is a bad feeling but I felt something else. I don't know why but I felt like a strong feeling in my chest, something like... I don't know. It wasn't anything bad, it wasn't like a bad feeling or anything like that but it was hard for me, I'm not sure why. I felt like... like something was hurting me or I was hurting, it was weird, I did feel something like a pain but not completely. I'm fine with him traveling, of course, I don't mind it but I don't know why it hit me like this, it made me emotional and feeling heavy in my chest.

11. June

 He's such a sweetheart, have I said that before? Well, he is. As I was checking for the time for today he asked me to help him with something, I wasn't sure if I could but at the last minute, I knew that I can. "Thank you to the moon." He texted but then I wanted to tell him something but that would be a bold move. I said to myself how I have to be bold and that I can't live life in fear, not just about this but in the future, how I should take risks because I only live once and when I get older I would regret not being bold, not enjoying the life that is given to me. I would be thinking 'Why was I so scared all the time and why I wouldn't want to take any chances, any risks?' I don't want to be that woman who thinks about her younger days and thinking 'I haven't lived my life like I was supposed to.'. I would like to say that I was bold when I texted him next. "Now you owe me a date." with a smiley face. I didn't see the response right away, I was chicken but then it rang twice, I got two messages and I just, I was scared, I didn't know what he would say on something like that. "haha sure, you are a sweetheart" What? I just couldn't believe I received this, I couldn't believe that he said that, he is so sweet, my heart was melting of all the sweetness and kindness. I really hope that we go out. He is so humble that he would never take the credit, maybe sometimes but usually he wouldn't, not that I have seen it. I don't know why but he wouldn't say it out loud, maybe he keeps telling himself, maybe he's proud that he doesn't want to take those credits but he would tell you it's all because of you because you gave your best. Yes, but you helped, you pushed, you did a lot and that is something that we patients, that I would never forget. I get it now but I can't help it. I love the way he is, he is humble but when he's right about something and he knows that he says it out loud proudly. Oh, damn, how much he reminds me of someone. Hmm, I wonder who.