Inspired my (g)i-dle's \oh my god/ 🥀
I stared at the White wall in front of me like any other day. As it slowly consumed me i stared without moving or blinking with my eyes barely opened.....just stared.
I heard the door slowly opened but i kept staring.
"I'm glad your awake jimin.....i see you didn't eat the food....well i came to change your tray."
I didn't look at her and just kept staring at the white wall but i saw her from the corner of my eye getting the full tray of food off the table and putting a new one.
It's been 2 days since they last forced me to eat. When it gets really bad they force it down my throat. I've been in this hell for 2 months.
152 days since she died....counted
I would get bullied at school everyday. I would come home with bruises and cuts and always bleeding. My parents didn't give two shits. She was the only one who actually cared and loved me. I would come home everyday and look in the mirror. And feel so disgusted with myself i was so fat and ugly i am so fat and ugly. I hated the fact that i was different i hated the fact that i was gay. She would always take care of my wounds and cuddle me until i fell sleep from exhaustion or from crying to much. I could surprisenly always fall asleep with her since it was very rare for me to actually sleep. I would cut little but deep cuts on my waist the physical pain distracted me from the emotional pain. When she would treat my wounds i would always say it was them i couldn't bring myself to tell her i cut myself. She would always go to my school to complain but the school never gave a fuck. Sometime she would try to take matters into her own hands but i would always beg her not to. Knowing that if she did it would only be worse for me. She always ended up agreeing not to do anything and i would thank her. That was until that day that dreadful day i saw her. My sister got shot and drop to the floor on a pool of blood that day i cried more than any other day. My parent didn't care after all they wanted me gone as well. I was so mad i screamed my heart out on them but that just ended up me getting beat up by my dad. But i didn't care i was use to it. The bullying got worse from there. I was the weird gay kid with a dead sister. But now i had no one..no one to treat my wounds. No one to cuddle me to sleep. No one to tell me i love you. No one to make me breakfast every day before school...well hell started. No one to make me laugh. no one to see through my pain and numb it. No one to protect and love me. And finally no one by my side. My sister was my everything. I started cutting deeper and longer. I moved from my waist to my arms. I would wear long sleeves to cover it. Every day from there on i would come home worse my face all beat up and blood all over my face. My parents just ignored my presence even tho they knew i wasn't ok they just didn't care about anything.....about me. In school they'd call me names like faggot and ugly whore and fat bitch along with some punches. It got so bad i stopped eating because their words got to me i looked in the mirror and i just saw myself as fat and nothing more. Of course there were other lgbtq students in my school and i could tell because they were the ones that would look at me with pity. They were closeted but i could see right through them. Everything was fine in school i had friends and i was a great A+ student until that day. The day i decided to tell one of my "friends" mark lee i was gay. He persuade me into telling him my biggest secret telling me he would keep it and my stupid ass believed him. Wich was a big mistake my school was a very homophobic school but that thought never crossed my minds when i told him. I will never forget that look on his face......disgust. The next day i went to school and every one was giving me nasty stares and whispering about me when i walked through hallways. I started getting bullied. My sister was always there for me but then she died. So i had...and have no one. One day i couldn't take it anymore and decided it was time to end my misery. But my mistake of forgetting to lock the door. That day my mom walked in on me about to cut my wrist. She stoped me and i asked her why she said she didn't wanna have to explain to the police and that she didn't want my blood to stain her floor. I felt my heart clutch but then again i was use to her hurtful words. My parents forced me to go to the doctor they diagnosed me with depression, sevier anxiety, an eating disorder and insomnia. After that my parents put me in a mental hospital. It's been 5 months since my sister died and 2 month in this living hell.
