Saving Saeyoung

16) Lonliness

     I didn't get any sleep last night. From 10:30 p.m to 7 a.m, I sat in bed and did absolutely nothing. I got out of bed to make a cup of coffee, though I didn't even feel tired. In fact, I felt absolutely nothing. I was so numb from last night I almost couldn't get to work. And yet, I pushed myself. I mostly did it because I had no other choice, but also so I wouldn't fall into a deep pit of despair.
As I made my way into the front door of the café, my co-worker came up to me, a concerned look on her face.
    "(Y/n) you look like hell! Are you alright?" She asked. (Quite loud, actually).
I then realized I'd neglected to put on any makeup this morning, meaning my eyes were just as puffy and irritable as they were last night.

     "Oh yeah, I'm okay." I lied. "Just some personal things I had to deal with last night."

"Oh shit, I'm sorry." She frowned and patted my shoulder. "Just let me know if you need help with anything today, Okay?" She smiled and walked off to the kitchen before I could say anything.
Small as that gesture was, it really made my day better. Sometime during my break, I got a text from Jumin that read:
Visitors are allowed anytime after 7:30 tonight. We're all going to be there. Can you make it?
To which I replied "Yes, I'll be there." He never responded, but that wasn't my main concern.
————————————————————————
I've been home for a couple hours, the time was going painfully slow.
Once the clock struck 7:30, I rushed out the door and drove to the hospital, doing so with more energy than I've had with anything all week.
Upon arriving, I sped through the hospital, the nurse guiding me (though I did out run her at some point) through the maze of disinfectant and LED lights. My heart was beating so fast I could've lifted a car. I just wanted to see him again.
I was the last person to get to the hospital, so everyone was already there talking to Seven. The nurse showed me the door, and I quietly slipped in while the group conversed with each other. Even V was there, too.
Seven trailed off while talking, and looked up at me from the opposite end of the room.
Once he noticed me, I immediately ran to him, hugging him tightly and crying.
"(Y/n), What have I done?" He sobbed into my shoulder.
The group quickly came to comfort him, hugging him at the same time.
We all sat/ stood near him in some way.
"I'm surrounded by friends... People I cherish. And I almost threw it all away last night." He sat up and wiped his eyes, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry to have worried you all like this. I'm really so lucky to have friends like you all. Yoosung, you brighten my day whenever you're around, you have such a great future ahead of you. Jahee and Zen, you talk me out of stupid shit all the time, and V and Jumin... You've helped me out of trouble more than I can count. Thank you all so much..."
Then he turned to me.
"(Y/n), I'm not perfect. I need help, and I know I can't do it alone." He grabbed my hand, tired and dull yellow eyes looking into mine. "I love you. My love for you is bigger than the universe. And I want you to know that if anything ever happens to me, it's not your fault and it never was. I've been given a third chance at life when I shouldn't have, and I'm not going to mess this one up."
"Ah jeez, Seven." Yoosung said, wiping his eyes. "You're gonna make all of us cry."
Even Jumin had tears rolling down his cheeks. And I swear I heard V gasp.
Zen crouched down to see Seven eye-level. "You know we're always here for you. Seriously." He put his hand on his shoulder. "We say it all the time but we mean it, we care about you. Don't hesitate to come to us."
"Thank you, Zen." Seven hugged him.
————————————————————————
     After a while, it was just Seven and I. Everyone else had left after about an hour.
     "Why'd you do it?" I said finally, without looking at him.
     "Because I didn't want to cause any pain to anyone anymore, including myself."
     That single phrase broke my heart. "You weren't causing any pain, Saeyoung."
     "I am now." He whispered.
     "That's because we almost lost you!" I raised my voice ever so slightly, and saw him flinch. "I-I'm sorry." I brought my voice back to a whisper.
     "I'm sorry too."
     "But you have nothing to be sorry for."
     "Yeah I do, I almost caused everyone a whole world of hurt. I know what it's like losing someone close. I'm not talking about my brother. Someone else. And it fucking sucks. I don't know what I was thinking." He looked down, shame seeming to wash over him.
Sitting next to him, I noticed pen doodles on his arm. It reminded me of the conversation Zen and I had.
"If the help wasn't enough, why didn't you tell me?" I asked after we went silent.
He didn't answer.
"...Do you still love me?" He asked finally.
I was in shock. Of course I still loved him! Why would he ask something like that!?
"Saeyoung, I'll never stop loving you. No matter what you do. I'll love you until the end of time, and then some."
He looked down and nodded. "Stupid question then, huh?"
"I think you already know." I simpered.
"The doctor says I have to stay here for a week. Mental evaluations."
"Okay."
"Can you stay with me tonight?" He pleaded.
"Of course."
He scooted over so I could lay down with him. Then pulled me closer and buried his head in my neck.
"I love you." He said. "And I love you more than you'll ever know."
     I looked up at him and said "I love you." before letting him fall asleep.