Saving Saeyoung

14) Advice.

TRIGGER WARNING, SELF HARM. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK AND PLEASE STAY SAFE.
It had been 2 weeks since Seven "moved out." The only reason why it didn't feel like that was because I had spent at least ten nights at his house with him. He started seeing a therapist, and it was really helping. He was getting a lot better. Nightmares were less frequent, and panic attacks were less violent. But, even though he promised he'd stop, I couldn't shake the feeling that he was still self harming.
I got out of the shower at around 9., still at his house. I walked to the kitchen to make myself some coffee to start the day. Seven's house was so nice, it made my apartment look like a dump. (A nice dump).
While making my coffee, I heard Seven get up and out of bed.
"Good morning, love." He said as he hugged me.
     I smiled as I hugged back . "Hi. Sleep well?"
     He nodded.
     I noticed he had a long sleeve shirt on, and was extremely sweaty. I put my hand to his forehead and my eyes widened before I asked,
     "Sev, you're burning up! Are you okay? Are you sick?"
     "Hmmm... I prefer the term 'hot', actually." He responded.
     I frowned at his response. "I'm serious."
     As soon as I frowned, a look of worry washed over him. "(Y-Y/n) I-I'm fine! See? I'm not sick." And without hesitation, took his sweater off revealing another long sleeve shirt. "I just got cold last night."
     "Hey..." I said softer. "Are you cutting again?"
     He drew back and his muscles stiffened.
     "Saeyoung, let me see. Please."
     He looked to the side and gave me his wrists. I rolled his sleeves up and gasped, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces.
     "I'm sorry." He mumbled.
     "No. Stop apologizing." I held his hands in mine, exposing the fresh wounds on his arms.
     "(Y/n). It's like I can't feel anything if I'm not doing it. I don't... I don't know what to do."
I teared up a little. While trying to conceal it, I saw another intense wave of worry and sadness wash over him.
     "N-No, (Y-Y/n) please. Please don't cry, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you." he whispered into the crook of my neck as I hugged him.
     "Saeyoung please stop worrying about me. Stop worrying about my feelings. Stop apologizing to me. I want you to get better." I felt him shake. "I love you, Saeyoung! I just, I don't know how to help you. And- and I thought the therapist was helping."
     Neither of us said anything for a while, It seemed like an eternity. Until I began again.
     "I don't want this to consume you. I don't want to know a life without you. I don't want this to get so bad that you- that you...-oh Jesus." I sobbed into his shoulder.
     He let go and looked into my eyes, the saddest expression I'd ever seen. He looked hurt, sad, angry at himself.
     "I don't want to know a life without you either." He said finally.
     "Then why are you doing this?" I pleaded.
     "Because... Because I thought it would make me feel something. I don't know."
     "Saeyoung that's not-"
     He shook his head. "Let me finish." He sighed, as if his life depended on the next words.
     "I feel nothing when I'm not with you. And when I'm not with you... It's all so overwhelming. The way I treated everyone- especially you- when I came back, the fact that my brother killed himself, the people at my old job hate me." He sighed again. "I've woken you up almost every night with my stupid fucking nightmares, brought you to tears because I can't go an hour without getting emotional-"
     "Saeyoung, you can't feel bad over things you can't control. You had no part in your brother's suicide. And I don't care if you wake me up every single night. If it's going to help you get better." I said, as he stared into my eyes.
     "You're going to be okay... but you have to want to be okay. And I know you want to. But- here. Hang on." I walked into his room and pulled a pen from his desk.
     "When these cuts heal, use this." I said, walking back to him.
     He took the pen, a confused look on his face. "What am I gonna do with thi-"
     "Some people draw on themselves instead of cutting. If it doesn't work, we can always try something else. Just please, stop doing this."
     He looked down, tears rolling down his face and hitting the floor. "Okay. I'll do it. If it makes you feel better."
     "No Saeyoung, I want you to do this because you want to. Not because of me."
     "I want to. I really do." He took my face in his hand, trying to reassure me he wouldn't cut anymore.
     "I believe you. Come on, let's just chill for a bit... It'll help you calm down."
     He nodded and I grabbed his hand, leading him into the bedroom.
     "I don't have work until a lot later, we can just have today to ourselves, okay?"
He nodded and crawled into bed with me.
"Is it ever going to get better?" He asked, laying beside me and facing the ceiling.
I brushed his hair out of his face and caressed his cheek. "Of course it will, love. I promise you it will."
Neither of us fell asleep, we just sat in silence for at least an hour.
"I have to work at 12:30. Will you be okay?" I asked after a while.
"Yes, I think so. Maybe I'll invite Yoosung over."
"That sounds like a good idea, he really misses hanging out with you."
"Yeah...Hey. Come closer."
"What?"
He pulled me on top of him, balancing me on his lap. I kissed him lightly over and over before resting my arms and head on his chest.
"Move in with me?" He asked.
I looked up at him. "What? Are you sure?"
"If you want, I mean."
"Of course I do... I just didn't think you'd actually want me here. Thank you, Seven."
"I always want you with me." He pulled me down and kissed me again, making sure to wrap his arms around me and smile against my lips.
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     After work, I came home to Yoosung and Seven playing a video game in his living room.
     "Hiya (Y/n)!" Greeted a cheerful Yoosung.
     "Hi. How was work?" Seven said.
     "It was good, not many people... What are you doing?" I set my keys down and sat with them.
     "I'm trying to get Seven into LOLOL, I don't think it's working." Yoosung frowned.
     Seven quickly shook his head no while Yoosung wasn't looking. It made me laugh.
     "Alrighty, have either of you eaten?"
     As if on cue, their stomachs growled.
    "Well that answers that." I opened the refrigerator to see what I could make. When I first started visiting, Seven and I had to go grocery shopping. There was nothing in there besides various condiments, shredded cheese, Dr. Pepper, and bread. All of it was expired.
     "Well uh... anyone want..." Hmmm. I thought. "Garlic shrimp and risotto?"
They eagerly nodded, getting excited.
I laughed. "Alright, I'll let you two know when it's done."