Lucid Dreaming (Zayn Malik BOOK 2)

Chapter 9: 'Love' isn't a reason

Luna's POV

Before I can stop myself, an all-encompassing rage floods through me. I feel my canines extend and sharpen as my blood runs hot. Without thinking, I grab the lamp off of the cupboard in the hallway, rip my lampshade off, crack the bulb and lunge towards Loki, burying it deep into his stomach with a strength I didn't know I had. 

He coughs out a splutter of blood, letting his back hit the wall as he tugs it out.

"Well, glad to see you've figured out the tricks of the trade." He pants, dropping the lamp to the floor and continuing to fish out shards of glass from his flesh

"Get out." I hiss

"Oh come on, sweetheart." He grins lazily "You won't be able to assault me if I leave." 

Cyra's crying gets louder, probably at the commotion. I turn my attention from Loki and enter the nursery. He doesn't follow me.

Cyra was crying from her crib, the sound piercing my ears and rattling around my skull. I reach in and pick her up, cradling her in my arms. I hush her gently, rocking her back and forth. It dawns on me that I had Loki's blood on my hand.,s staining the blanket I held Cyra in. When she stops crying, I quickly place her back, pulling the blanket from her with shame. 

Re-entering the hallway, I find Loki sat at the velvet armchair in the corner, healed now. 

"I told you to get out." I reiterate, annoyance evident in my voice

"Are you waiting for an apology?" He ignores me, posing his own question

"What?" 

"An apology." He repeats, clearer as if the problem was that I couldn't hear him "Do you think I'm going to apologise for what I did?"

"I don't have time for your fucking mind games Loki." I turn to leave but he beats me in a blur, obstructing my path 

"I'm not sorry." He states, no emotion in his face "In fact, I'd do it again."

This infuriates me even more "What the fuck is wrong with you? You didn't think about what I wanted for one moment, you didn't even ask. I don't fucking want this, Loki! Do you think I don't know what the two of you have been dancing around? I'm not an Incubus, it doesn't work like that. I'm a Succubus." 

"Oh boo hoo." He scoffs "Poor little Luna, having men willing to give up their own lives to save you - fuck that - having nearly every person here trying to save your life. You are someone who actually lives in a world where everything revolves around you, so yeah, I fed you my blood and snapped your neck. And I did it because I did consider what you wanted." 

"What I want? You think this is what I want?" I bark

"You wanted to have a wedding, you wanted to be a mother to your daughter, you wanted to live." He explains "Correct me if I'm wrong but you are standing, aren't you? It is not my fault that I am the only person willing to make the difficult decision, its not my fault I'm the only person who can see when the ends justify the means." 

"I didn't think you were this much of a sociopath." I half chuckle "This is not how you do things, Loki, not in a team, not in a family. You don't go behind people's backs and make decisions for them, especially life or death decisions, just because they might not agree with you." 

"Do you?" He asks bluntly 

"Do I what?" I fold my arms

"Agree with me? With what I did? Not how I did it, mind you." He elaborates

I hadn't stopped to think of this yet. Loki saved my life but made me sacrifice my humanity, but is that better than being dead? 

"For Cyra, yes. I want her to have a mother, I know how hard it is not to have one." I sigh

Before he can make a cocky remark I clamp my hand around his throat and lift him from the ground, still amazed at my own strength. I knew that he was stronger, and letting me have a moment, but I took it willingly. 

"If you ever do something like that without consulting me again, you will be dead to me." I hiss "Either emotionally or literally, Loki." 

I drop him and coughs before gasping for air. I go to push past him and head back upstairs but he grabs my arm. 

"You need to talk to Scarlett." He says "I did speak to her before I did this, to figure out what I was getting you into. I thought I'd have to break it to you but you've been paying more attention than I thought, she will teach you about being a Succubus." 

I pull my arm from him "Leave."

"If it means anything, I am sorry you're upset." He says, brushing himself off to avoid eye contact "I just did what I had to do." 

"What you had to do Loki, not what was best for all of us." I point out 

"You don't understand." He shakes his head while sighing

"Explain it to me." I raise an eyebrow "Why would you do this? And don't say to keep me alive, because we both know if you really wanted me to stay alive you wouldn't have done something that you had no idea of what the outcome would be. You turned me because you wanted to turn me, you wanted me to be like you. But why?"

Loki's POV

An undeniable sense of shame floods through me as she calls me out. She was right. I wanted her to stay alive, and the idea of her being a supernatural, especially one that would have to commit sins by nature, was an added bonus to the deal. I could have looked for another way, I could have risked a blood transfusion as Harry suggested, but I didn't. I didn't because I loved the idea of her waking up with red eyes. 

"I did because I love you." I breathe before I can stop myself "I couldn't deal with living in a world without you, and I found a way to make a reality where you wouldn't only be alive, and one that suit me better."

Her eyes open wide and she stills. I've said I love her before but never like this before. 

"I know I don't even remotely deserve you and I knew I never would as long as you were human." I hang my head low, not wanting to see the disgust in her eyes that I knew would be there "So I turned you. And I did it because I knew if I made you something with lower morals, it would crack open a window of opportunity that you might love me back."

I look up, her face showing obvious confusion, anger and what looked like a level of pity.

Not thinking, I cup her face and press my lips to hers softly. My chest warms and I feel my heart beat for only a moment as she pushes me off. 

I'm blind sighted as she plants a swift blow to my cheek, breaking my jaw with her newfound strength. I stumble back and quickly crack my jaw into place and wait for it to heal before I flood her with apologies.

"Your brother, my fiance, is sleeping right above our heads and your niece, my daughter with your brother, is in the next room, and you thought your confession of love for me was going to be met make-out session?" She narrows her eyes, a contempt I've never heard before in her voice "The fact you love me does not mean you can manipulate whatever situation to give you what you want and think I will forgive you. It doesn't make everything ok. 'I love you' isn't a reason and it isn't an explanation, you did what you did because you're selfish, and that is why you're not sorry, because you got what you want. I'm never going to be as good of a person as I was, I mean I've attacked and threatened you three times since you've walked through the door. But I am also never going to love someone who uses the fact that they love me as an excuse to do terrible things." 

She turns and scales the stairs in a blur, that's when I realise Zayn is stood at the top, he stands aside, holding their bedroom door open as she passes through, closing it and standing tall now on the story above me. His face, to my surprise, gave off no readings of anger.

"You should go." He states simply.

And I do. 

_____

apologies its a short one

team Loki or Zayn?