Lucid Dreaming (Zayn Malik BOOK 2)

Chapter 38: Roses V

Loki's POV

"Lucas, please calm down." Zoey begs, hands out in front of her to slow me as the guest room door slams behind us.

Lucas. I've never been a fan of the name, but I used to like the way it fell from Zoey's lips. Not anymore, Katjaa has ruined the name for me forever, the way she said it to me, scolded me with it like she had any right to use it makes my blood boil underneath my skin. I don't care if she gave it to me or not.

"Loki, my fucking name is Loki." I growl, towering over her, purposefully straightening my spine and puffing out my chest as I move closer to her.

She cowers underneath me and I immediately regret my demeanour. I know she isn't to blame, I know I'm being a dick, I know there is no rational explanation for the amount of anger that is surging through me, but I can't stop myself. I can't stop my fists balling into my palms, nor my fangs poking at my bottom lip, or the way my breath is being heaved from my nostrils, widely flared.

"Please, just stop." She sighs "We can talk about anything, walk through all of this together, or we can just take a nap, anything you want to make you feel better that isn't slamming doors and yelling death threats, you aren't this person anymore."

You aren't this person anymore. She couldn't be more wrong. I have always been this person and I will always be this person in one way or another, I am ruled by him, the man inside of me that does bad things for no reason.

"Do you know why people call me Loki?" I drop my voice to a menacing whisper "Because I'm not a good fucking person, Zoey. Haven't you been listening to me all this time? Katjaa has it right, I'm a mass murderer, but the difference between me and my siblings is that I don't care. I haven't magically morphed into a better person for love like Zayn has, I don't kill with a moral code for the betterment of others like Pandora did, I murdered because I don't care, because I purposefully lack the empathy needed to stop. Do you get that? I chose to cut off my humanity for years. I made women fall in love with me just so murdering them would be more entertaining for like three years of my life. I snapped Luna's neck and turned her into something I knew she never wanted to be because I wanted to have a chance at fucking my brother's wife. I did the same thing to a teenage girl so her own family would attempt to murder her, just to fuck with her mother for crossing me."

Zoey's eyes are widening and she swallows a lump in her throat. I don't want to say any of the things I'm saying. I want to take them all back immediately, delete them from the atmosphere and beg Zoey to forgive me, to promise I'm a changed man, but I can't. I am powerless to the part of me that wants to ruin every good thing around me, kill my happiness because I don't believe I deserve it. I can see there is damage done in the way she is looking at me, jade green eyes boring into mine while her body is turning into itself, trying to make herself smaller as if I'm a large animal and she's trying to make it seem she's not a worthy enough kill to exert the energy for. I could stop here, give myself less to patch up later when I'm back in my right mind, but of course, I don't care how small the prey is, I have to go in for the kill.

I let my fingers slip into Zoey's curls, holding her head still while I look over her face "When I fuck you, I'm using the same hands to hold you that I've used to pull the hearts out of countless people. I use the same mouth to go down on you, that I've used to rip the throats out of hundreds of innocent women, the same dick that goes in and out of you, I used to make them fall in love with me before I senselessly ended their lives for no good reason. I tell you I love you with the exact same voice that I told them the same thing with."

She shoves me off of her, hard. I let go, despite the fact it wasn't hard enough to budge me. My hands are trembling but my face is still, muscles tensed as I wait for her reaction to the awful things I just said. The things I can't fathom saying, but managed to materialise in the worst of ways. Her facial features harden into a disgusted scowl.