heartbreak girl | s.m.

53 | old habits die hard

connor
i know, i know.

connor
we'll talk about it later

me
okay. thanks for indulging my gemma talk

connor
i wasn't even indulging you. she's hot and i wanted to talk about it.

me
okay stop calling her hot

connor
who's telling me? her boyfriend??

me
i don't appreciate this

connor
hey, she's single. she's fair game.

me
shut up

connor
hahah i'll talk to you later

me
see ya

---
the next week
gemma <<<

"Earth to Gemma."

Jesse waved his hand in front of my face. I snapped out of it.

"Sorry," I said. "Thinking."

"You're always thinking," he replied with a smile. "I hate it."

I sighed. "Me too."

He looked at me like he was worried about me. I hate that.

Jesse invited me to go on a walk with him, a New York City walk in mid-May, and the weather couldn't be more perfect. My therapist, Dr. Kelley, says that she thinks that weather plays into my depression a bit, and that I should take every opportunity I can to get out into the sunshine. And doing that while socializing with a friend? She's going to be overjoyed to hear of this.

I broke out a sundress and threw a denim jacket over top, eager to get some Vitamin D. I met Jesse outside my apartment building, where he stood looking cool and casual in a loose t-shirt, light wash jeans, and sunglasses. He looked like he came out of an H&M catalog. He has the face for it, too.

We walked for a while, talking about life and making fun of people and things we saw. It was a good, long walk. When we got tired, we stopped at an ice cream place, I got vanilla, and he got chocolate, and we sat down outside to eat it. This is not a date, just to put that out there. But I do not feel depressed, and that's where we're at right now.

"You know, you don't say much for all that thinking you do," he said. He had taken his sunglasses off, so sun was shining on his blue eyes, and I marveled at the beauty of them. My brown eyes didn't hold a candle.

I shrugged. "I've always been quiet."

"I like that," he said. "I wish I would shut up sometimes."

I chuckled, and he kept his eyes on me with that same soft smile that was always on his lips.

"So, why'd you let Sloane dye your hair?" he asked curiously. "Getting rid of the negative vibes of your past brunette days?"

"Something like that," I replied. "I just feel like I was due for a change."

He nodded. "I love it. I'm still getting used to it, but it's like a pleasant surprise every time I look at you."