𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬

5

He was smiling for her.

Someone he just met.

Why not me? I've been by his side for his whole life.

She's just... just a random girl!
A stepping stone in his path.

But why? Why does this hurt as much as it does.

Thankfully the tests were over, I tied with Shoto. The black haired girl getting 1st.

Is that it? Am i not strong enough? Not pretty enough? Am i not her?

I shuffle uncomfortably beside him as their conversation drifts into my ears, I could pick up small amounts yet it didn't help sooth the aching in my chest.

"Yea?"
Small giggle
"Maybe.. who knows."
A smile.

He was giving this girl something I've been wanting for years, she got it handed to her on a silver plater in a matter of seconds.
I wanted to scream, cry, but nothing would fix it.

As we got the all clear to leave I bolted to the changing rooms, tears streaming down my face. Not now
y/n. Keep it together. It's okay.
Your okay.

Before anyone could see I changed in record time, quickly slipping into the girls bathrooms next door. Sniffing I locked a stall behind me, taking a seat on the toilet lid I press my hands into my thighs.

Deep breaths. It's okay. Your okay.
Your fine. Breathe y/n breathe.
But the tears were like waves, rolling off my face in streams. My head was pounding as my chest tightened, the lump in my throat burned as I couldn't seem to take a breath of air in. Breathe. Instead a strangled sob leaves my plump lips, echoing around the silent and empty bathroom.
The sobs poured out of my mouth, as I gripped my hair right in my fists.

I can't. I can't do this. Not anymore. Please.
'Suck it up y/n. You have a husband to please, do you want to be dirt on the side of the road? No. Then hurry up and fix your mess!'
Endeavours voice growled in my head, it was like his presence followed me around.

I stand but I tumble straight into the wall next to me, forcing my fragile body to comply I wipe the remaining tears before exiting the stall.
I stare straight into the mirror, my eyes were puffy and red, cheeks swollen and one adorned a bruise.
No wonder Shoto doesn't like you. You're so fucking ugly.

I brush the harsh words away and wash my face, tighten my tie, gently comb down my wild hair, and put a smile on. It was like everything nothing went wrong in the first place.

I shuffle into the classroom, shooting everyone on my way a kind smile. They seemed confused yet still smiled back.

See. Nothings wrong. Your okay.

I plop down into my seat folding my legs lady like and tuck my hands in, the seemingly never ending smile still present.

"What took you so long?"
The man beside me questioned, his voice void of any emotion.

"Oh nothing, don't worry about it!"
I speak up, giving him a closed eye smile. Maybe if I smiled like her he would like me. But it went down hill fast, just like every other time.

"Don't look at me like that, you look gross"
I laugh softly at his comment, it's okay. He doesn't mean it.

I could feel the pony tail girls eyes watch our interaction like a hawk, a small gasp of shock leaving her mouth at his words.

Maybe she finally sees the monster he truely is.
What am I thinking? He's not a monster. He could never hurt anyone.