I closed my eyes and drifted away to a place where love wasn't contingent upon proximity. A place where I could let go for once.

------
a couple days later
shawn >>>

It went to voicemail. It always seems to go to voicemail lately. It almost seems like she's avoiding me.

It's been a little over a month since we last saw each other on her birthday, but those couple days were so good that I thought we had really mended what the distance did. But now I'm starting to think otherwise.

I said I would be better, and I feel like I have been better. Now she's the one pushing me away. I don't know why things can't ever just be easy.

me
i've got the next few hours free. call me when you can

I sighed and hoped she would respond, otherwise this night would be boring. The nights where I'm free are pretty much reserved for us. We FaceTime and spend the night "together." It feels as close to a date as it possibly can given the circumstances.

In an act of boredom and desperation, I scrolled through our text messages and reread them, which is a weird thing to do, but I just found myself doing it. I found myself at a conversation from a few days ago.

me
what are your plans for thanksgiving

gemma
i already told you. i'm going home. just for a couple days.

me
right.

me
would you mind if i tagged along??

gemma
um i would love for you to tag along. is this you telling me that you can???

me
yep. wednesday, thursday, friday, and saturday. that's when you're going to be there, right?

gemma
i'm flying in tuesday night. but yes.

gemma
are you actually serious? you can actually come?

me
yes gemma. i'll be there. as long as your dad will have me. i didn't really ask.

gemma
don't worry, i'll tell him. he'll be thrilled.

gemma
wow this is great news. i'm so excited :)))))))))

me
me too :)))))))))

gemma
i was having a terrible day but that made me feel a lot better. thank you

me
i'm glad. but why are you having a terrible day?

gemma
just sort of struggling in this one class. i'm pretty sure my professor hates me. but it's whatever.

gemma
and now i have to do three hours of homework for that stupid class.

me
you're impossible to hate, gem. i'm sure you'll get through it.

me
if you want a break from the homework, i'm free until 9 pm your time

gemma
i'm definitely going to take you up on that.

me
good. i guess i'll talk to you later, then?

gemma
yep. love you <3

me
love you too <3

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