Underneath it all

Too much pain

Rey led Kylo across the island until they reached a blowhole surrounded by seaweed on the seas edge. Kylo looked at Rey, his brow creasing. "This is where I went right before we touched hands. Follow me". Kylo nodded. He was intrigued but he also had a strange, somewhat frightened emotion sweep over him as he looked at the entrance.

Rey went first, lowering herself in on her arms. Kylo followed, dropping down into icy water. He scrambled out behind Rey, both shivering, hair plastered to their faces. Rey led him over to the mirror that she had touched when she had asked to see her parents. "This mirror is supposed to show what you desire the most. It disappointed me. I saw a shape, but I don't know who it was and then they were gone and it was me". Kylo remembered her sorrow all to well. The way she had spoken to him, emptying all of her pain and loneliness so openly to him. He had admired her for it. "You should touch it, it might make things clearer for you" she said softly. Kylo hesitated, afraid of what it would show, what it would reveal to Rey. She's seen inside your mind, a voice inside his head reminded him. He stepped forwards and Rey stepped aside. Kylo hesitated and then very slowly pulled off his glove and lifted his hand to touch the cold glass.

The glass began to become misty and a young boy appeared there. Pale skin, dark hair, intense eyes. It was him as a child and beside him his parents, snoke looming to one side like a cloud of smoke. Leia leant down and kissed him and Han ruffled his hair. Love surrounded him in that moment and Kylo realised that his parents had loved him, they always had. That realisation caused hot tears to form in his eyes but he never moved his hand, watching intently as Snoke drifted between them, seeping and sliding straight into young Ben Solos head. Fear, hate and anger replaced the love he had felt and now he watched as the young boy slowly turned into the man he was today, screaming and pain filling his ears. Fires burning, his fathers hand on his face as he took his last breath, his mother's words before Hux had shot her. "No" Kylo heard himself say, vaguely aware of Rey's hand on his arm, "Show me what I desire the most, please". Rey squeezed his arm, a sob coming from her as she watched and felt his pain. The mirror shook slightly and then a figure appeared with something in its arms. The image was hazy and Kylo's hand began to shake as it cleared, terrified of what dreadful, evil thing his heart truly desired.

To his amazement Rey appeared and in her arms was something else. A small boy with pale skin, dark hair and an intense gaze. But it wasn't him this time. Kylo knew what this meant and suddenly he was overcome with emotion, his hand dropping from the glass and the image fading, falling to his knees he covered his eyes a loud sob escaping his lips. Rey's arms were encircling him in a moment as he hung his head and cried. There were no walls left. All of them had been broken down by this scavenger. He had shown her every side of him and she had accepted it all. "Shh it's ok" Rey soothed, her hand sweeping at his hair, her own voice shaking with emotion.

He wasn't sure what part of what he'd seen had upset him the most.  Was it the realisation that his parents had always loved him, or was it the confirmation that Snoke had indeed infected his mind, or was it the pain of losing his parents all over again, or was it the vision of Rey and the small boy, clearly his own that had shaken him so badly, forcing him to see that what he really wanted more than anything, more than the title of Supreme Leader, more than destroying the resistance, more than running the First Order was Rey.  Simply Rey and the future that she could give him. 

Rey scooted in front of him and he slowly dropped his hands, keeping his wet eyes down, his breaths escaping in shaky gasps.  Rey's hands touched his face wiping away the tears that she found there and slowly, slowly his eyes rose to hers.  She cupped his face, her own eyes brimming with tears, 'Oh Ben" she whispered, her forehead pressing against his.  They sat like that for a long time.  Kylos arms wrapping around her back and hers his.