Underneath it all

Just in dreams.

She was there. Beautiful. Kylo stood staring at her. She hadn't seen him yet and he was able to observe her movements, the way her hair fell over her face, her nose scrunching up as she squinted into the sunlight. Then she turned to him, a wide smile on her lips "I love you Ben" she said. Kylos heart swelled and he smiled back at her, "I love you too Rey" he heard his voice say.

Kylo sat up abruptly. He had been dreaming. Dreaming about her. He glanced at the clock and then lay slowly back down, his eyes on the ceiling. Did he love her? The thought annoyed him and he turned over quickly.

He couldn't go back to sleep. Everytime he closed his eyes he thought of her. No! He was meant to be finishing what his grandfather started. Kylo sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and resting his head in his hands. A seed of doubt crept into his mind, would that even be possible now he had no powers? He undid the cloth tied around his hand and studied it, taking in the split skin and bruised flesh. He flexed his fingers and winced. How was he going to do all this? He felt more conflicted than ever.

For the hundredth time he thought about going to her, even just to talk. He gazed around the dark room, the feeling of being alone there suddenly suffocating. He looked at his hand again remembering her words, "I love you". If he went to her he risked being captured by the other resistance members. Without his powers he would be totally at their mercy, he knew that and yet he was still thinking about going. It was madness and yet he couldn't shake the thought. He had to see her if only for a moment, he couldn't stand to only ever see her in dreams.  He stood then, pulling on his clothes, boots and gloves. His hand hovered over his helmet and for a moment he debated whether to wear it. No he thought, she would only entertain his visit as Ben, not Kylo Ren.

It was the middle of the night and he was hoping to use the darkness as cover. He went down to the hanger, surprising a sleeping mechanic there who jumped to his feet, his eyes wide with fear and prepared Kylos silencer for flight. This was a definite plus point of being the Supreme Leader, he could leave at any time and no one dared question him.

He headed off into the blackness of space, punching in the coordinates for Dantooine. 

The whole flight he fought furiously with himself.  Part of him screamed to turn back but a larger part of him couldn't.  He just couldn't.  He had to see her. 

Finally Dantooine came into view.  Just outlines in the dark.  He switched off his lights and circled almost silently around.  A cluster of buildings caught his eye and he carefully landed close to them, under the cover of an outcrop of rocks.  He took a deep breath before climbing down from his silencer, his hand ready on his weapon. 

The night was still and quiet.  He headed for the buildings, cursing that he no longer had Rey's light to lead him to her.  The first buildings door was locked.  He crept to the next door and pushed lightly.  It opened.  Heart thumping wildly he pushed inside and began to edge down the corridor.  When he reached the first room he glanced inside.  The pilot and two others he didn't recognise slept there on bunks, the sound of their breathing filling the air.  He stepped back and crept to the next room, glancing inside.  It was Rey. A fluttering sensation ran through his body and he swallowed hard at the sight of her, his eyes roaming her face, her hair which was loose and fanned across the pillow, pausing for a moment on her smooth leg which poked from under the covers. 

Kylo was so intent on watching Rey that he never realised that someone was behind him until it was too late.  The cold blaster pressed to his neck was the first moment he was aware of them. His hand pulled at his saber just as a voice whispered "Don't".  A hand on his arm and he was being led silently out of the hallway and back out into the night.

When they got outside he felt the blaster push at his back, "Move!" Hissed the voice.  Kylo knew it was useless to resist.  Without his powers he had no hope against a blaster at such close range.  They reached another building and his captor pushed him inside roughly, ripping his saber away at the same time.  He turned then and took in his captor.  She was tiny, with jet black hair and a fierce face.  She came into the room too, lighting a lamp and closing the door behind her.

"I know who you are. You're Kylo Ren.  I told Rey she shouldn't have brought you here when you were injured.  She's endangered us all".  Kylo swallowed hard.  This was all he needed, this girl must have been the other person that knew about him coming here.  "Why are you here?" She demanded waving the blaster at him.  Kylo paused for a moment before deciding to be as honest as he could,  he saw no advantage to lying, "I came to talk to Rey".  For a moment the girls face scrunched into a frown, "She won't join you, you know" the girl spat, her hands in fists.  Kylo sighed, irritated by this girls defensive attitude.  "I wasn't going to ask her to join me.  I wanted to speak to her".  The girls eyes narrowed, "Rey told me once that you can see each other through the force. Why risk coming here to speak to her". For a moment Kylo was silent. Rey had told her about their force bonds? He himself had loved the fact that they were exclusively theirs, that no one else knew about them, well at least now that Snoke was dead. Feeling slightly put out he cleared his throat, "I.." he began, swallowing hard, "I needed to see her face to face. I have to leave before sun up or your band of friends will find my ship". The girl cocked her head on one side, "Maybe I won't let you leave, you're a pretty good bargaining chip for us". Kylo straightened, his hands balling into fists at his side, "Look I just need to speak with Rey and then I will leave you, you have my word". The girl looked at him for another long moment and then nodded once, her face cold, "Stay here." She said, pausing to pick up his saber.

Kylo looked up from the floor where he was sat as the door opened. Rey walked in, her brown hair loose and tousled around her face,her staff in her hand, the small girl behind her, still armed with a blaster. Kylo stood quickly then. "It's ok Rose, you can leave us" Rey said to the small girl. She hesitated and then, with one last look at Kylo she left, closing the door behind her.

"Why are you here?" Rey asked, keeping her distance. Kylo looked down at his hands, pulling off his dusty gloves, "I wanted to talk to you" Kylo said softly taking a step towards Rey, his eyes sweeping her face. Rey stepped back, her face cold, "You left here almost two weeks ago. You basically cut yourself off from me Ben and now you're here because you want to talk?". Kylo shifted, his eyes sweeping the room, cursing himself for not pre-planning what he wanted to say to her. Totally lost now. "What do you want to talk about?" Rey asked more softly then, her arms folding across her chest. Kylo cleared his throat, "It's difficult not having the force" he began, not knowing where he was going with this. "Everything is so dark, empty" he went on quietly, his eyes fixed on a spot above her head, the words seeming too intense to say directly to her. "I can imagine it's a lonely place to be" Rey said quietly. Kylo nodded, his eyes on the ground. "It's hard..not having you there" Kylo said softly, his eyes widening as he realised what he had said. He looked at Rey who's eyes were shiny and full of emotion, "I've found it hard too" she admitted as a tear slipped down her cheek. She dropped her eyes and Kylo felt them fix on his injured hand. He followed her gaze, lifting his hand slightly and flexing the fingers, "It's nothing" he said before Rey could ask and she nodded quickly. 

Rey sighed, glancing at the door, "Ben you shouldn't have come here.  It's dangerous, especially without your force powers".  Kylo shifted, biting the inside of his mouth "I know" he stated blankly.  Suddenly Rey's face brightened, "Wait here" she said simply, turning on her heel and heading out of the door.  Kylo stood quite still as instructed.  She hadn't locked the door.  He should go, he knew that but he didn't want to.  It felt so natural being here with Rey, so comforting. 

A moment later she reappeared clutching a battered book in her hands.  Kylos face became cold.  He knew that book, it was one of the Jedi texts.