Underneath it all

Seeing her.

That night Kylo showered again, for once too anxious to allow his body to respond to his touch as he washed.

Ever since Hux had told him of his mother's transmissions he had felt a heavy feeling in his stomach.  Hux would stop at nothing to find the resistance, he knew that and for some reason it scared him.  A sudden thought popped into his head then, should he warn Rey when he next spoke to her?  No sooner had he had that thought then he cried out in frustration.  No!  He was the Supreme Leader of the first order!  He should be as passionate as Hux about eliminating them.  This was what Rey did to him.  She clouded his mind, made his choices seem unclear.  If she came to him again he would tell her as much.

He dried off and pulled on pyjama bottoms and then sat for a moment on the edge of the bed thinking.  If he instructed Hux to step things up then he had no doubt that this would soon be over.  Hux was right, there weren't enough resistance fighters in the galaxy to challenge the first order.  Just as Kylo had that thought a faint buzzing made his head snap up and suddenly there she was, stood across from him, her sweet features pulled into a tense frown. 

"What do you want?" I'm guessing you did this?" Kylo hissed standing up.  Rey's eyes widened as she took in Kylos attire, simply a pair of black cotton trousers sitting low on his hips, a dark line of hair snaking from his belly button and disappearing under the black fabric.  Kylo noticed how she looked at him and it caused a rush to go through his body, annoying him further.  Rey cleared her throat, "I wanted to update you, about your mother" she said softly.  Kylo shook his head, "Why?" He asked simply, the question catching Rey off guard.   Rey's brow furrowed, "I just thought you should know".  Kylo turned his back to Rey as he spoke quickly, determined to get the words said, "And why would I care.  She wanted nothing to do with me.  You wanted nothing to do with me".  He turned then and studied Rey's face as she absorbed what had been said.  Her eyes were on him but they were filled with something that Kylo didn't expect, anger. 

Rey walked forwards quickly then, her hands in fists at her sides, stopping when she was barely a foot away from him.  "The very fact that you're so cross tells me that you do care.  Your mother has never given up on you, ever, even when you killed Ha..." Rey stopped abruptly, tears filling her eyes at the memory, "even when you killed your father she still wanted you home".  Kylo, a little taken aback by her response did his best not to let it show, "And you?  You turned your back on me" Kylo said, his voice cold and even.  Rey looked up at him then.  Her large hazel eyes shone with tears and for a fleeting moment Kylo wanted to lean in and press his mouth to hers, despite everything he still felt a strong pull to her. 

He shook his head as if to silently scold himself and turned away, walking back to his bed and sitting down.  Rey watched him silently before coming to crouch timidly between his legs.  Kylos eyes flew to meet hers.  The way she sat, so closely and in such an intimate position caused another rush through his body and he shuffled backwards slightly, attempting to put distance between them.  Rey reached out her hand and for a moment Kylo stared at it, his mind drifting back to when they last touched hands.  His first reaction was to refuse her advances as she had his, but another, much stronger feeling overtook him and he held out his hand, allowing Rey to touch it.  This time she slid her whole hand into his, her eyes dropping shyly as she did so.

Kylo watched her intently, every fibre of his being screaming out for more, more contact, more closeness, more Rey.  Rey's eyes met his then and she smiled an odd smile that made Kylo straighten slightly, his eyes narrowing.  She seemed to lean back slightly as she gripped his hand and then suddenly his mother was there too, the three of them linked together by touch.  Kylo went to pull his hand away, his mouth opening in shock, his body scrambling backwards onto the bed.  His mother's pale face fell and so did Rey's as she desparetly tried to hold onto him, "Ben stop, please, your mother, she doesn't have long left, she wanted to tell you she loves you...she..".  Kylo ripped his hand free, stumbling away from the bed, his eyes on Rey and his mother, his body shaking, breath escaping in ragged huffs.  "You tricked me.  You will pay for this, you all will!"  Kylo screamed in a fit of pure rage.  He turned quickly, grabbing his desk and pulling it crashing to the floor, pens and papers flying everywhere.  He screamed out in rage and turned, just in time to see Rey and his mother disappear.

Kylo stood still looking at the empty space where Rey and his mother had been. His chest felt tight, as if he had a great weight pressing down on it and he gasped, taking in a shaky breath. He raised a hand to his face, feeling beads of sweat there. She had tricked him. He had been so enraptured by her closeness that he hadn't even sensed his mother and the shock of seeing her so suddenly had catapulted him back to his youth and all the agonising pain which he had tried to bury. Kylo picked up his lamp and threw it down, sending glass shattering, screaming out as he did so. Drops of dark blood on the floor caught his attention and his eyes fell on his hand, cut and bleeding. Cursing now Kylo hastily wrapped a towel around his hand and then began to dress again.

With the towel still around his hand he raced out of his quarters. First order officers and stormtroopers shrunk back against the walls at the sight of him. When he reached General Hux's quarters he turned sharply as a trainee stormtrooper passed him, causing the trooper to stumble backwards, "Get a cleaning droid to my quarters immediately and get a new lamp installed" Kylo barked. The trooper nodded "Yes Supreme Leader, right away" and then walked away rather too quickly as Kylo turned then, knocking on Hux's door with his good hand.

A pause and then Hux's voice. "Who is it?". "Supreme Leader, open the door I need to speak with you as a matter of urgency". Another moment passed and then the lock clicked and the door swung open revealing the pale face of Hux, dressed down Kylo noticed in a black button through shirt and cotton trousers. Suddenly Kylo became aware of Hux's eyes roaming over his face and he suddenly realised that he wasn't wearing his mask. He had left his room in such a blind rush. "Come in Supreme Leader, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Hux said, stepping back to allow Kylo to enter.

Kylo went to stand by his desk again as he had earlier that night and ran his good hand through his hair, feeling the beginnings of another headache. Hux closed the door and came to stand in front of Kylo, his brow creasing when his eyes landed on the bloody towel. "Supreme Leader, are you injured?". Kylo paused. He was so worked up that he'd almost forgotten the towel which was wrapped around his left hand and now his eyes dropped to it, taking in the dark stains. "I'm fine. I wish to change my orders General. Hunt down the resistance by whatever means necessary and use all we have against them. I want this finished, I don't want to wait any longer". A thin smile spread across Hux's face, "As you wish Supreme Leader, I shall enjoy making it a reality". Kylo simply nodded and left quickly, his boots thumping noisily down the corridors. Well that was it, the order was given and soon Rey, his mother and all of the resistance would be gone.