𝐌𝐘 𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒 ❪ 𝘣𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘦 ❫

Eighteen

The tears burst out like water from a dam, spilling down my face, whilst the voice of Beastboy tries to comfort me. I can barely hear his voice, let alone hear my own sobbing. I feel every muscle in my body tremble with the breakdown, even though Beastboy's strong arms try to hold me. 

My breathing becomes irregular and shallow. Every breath causes my ribs to get heavier and heavier. My chest tightens, so even screaming is impossible. Every sob comes out as a choke. My mind doesn't make sense, I can't place things together, I don't understand anything. Then the replaying starts. The nightmares replay, all the noises overlapping, getting louder and louder, all the images merging together. 

Until it stops. 

But then the words start.

I can hear the words inside my head still, intensifying this constant stress I have to live with.

''Weak. Defenceless. Frail.''

I've had enough. It's too much. I keep on reminding myself that I can get through it, but my thoughts cannot be heard over each stab into my soul.

I sit there like a defenceless toddler, unable to stop the sadness spilling out of me. I can hear the explosions from objects around me, caused by my lack of control over my emotions.  

I can feel every rip, every tear, every tug, every wretch, every twist in my heart, in my soul, in my mind. Brick by brick my barriers come tumbling down. 

I sob into Beastboy's chest, clutching the fabric of his t-shirt. 

''Rae, it's going to be okay,'' he whispers in my ear, not knowing what I've just been through, what I've experienced, why I am crying. ''It's going to be okay.''

The green changeling used to be very irritating, but now his comforting, more mature nature is shining through. I accept his outstretched arms without a moment's hesitation. 

I lean into him, my screams and cries become quieter as he slowly rocks me back and forth, as I breathe in the fresh scent of my salty tears mingled with his scent of cinnamon. Eventually, the tears stop coming, and I manage to calm down.

''Rae, what happened?'' he whispers, still cradling my fragile body. I feel as if I can snap in two at any moment. ''What happened?''

I try to answer, but my voice is so hoarse I cannot choke out any words.

''It's going to be okay.''

I know, deep down, that it isn't going to be okay.

For my whole life, I have been taught to keep the shutters down, the feelings bottled up, and hold everything in. Now, it is difficult. I cannot hold everything it. It has to come out. 

A few lone tears run down my porcelain cheek. Beastboy brings his hand towards my face and gently brushes the tears away. He doesn't talk now, he only looks at me, and delicately heals my trembling body with a hug. 

''Raven. Tell me what happened. Please.''

I lean back from his embrace, and I stare into his warm jade eyes. As much as I want to, I can't.

''Please tell me.''

'I can't,' I choke out, just as the sweat on my forehead begins to calm down. ''You'll get hurt.'' I stare around my room, and I can just make out the debris in the darkness. My powers have destroyed everything. And they'll destroy Beastboy too.

''Raven. Tell me what's wrong.''

The anger inside me starts to bubble and fizz away, rising to the surface. I force it down, but I cannot control it. I can't even control myself. 

''Please, get back,'' I whisper, as the sadness inside of me slowly morphs into anger. I'm not angry at Beastboy, I'm angry at things I can't explain. At Trigon. At my mother. 

At me. 

I'm angry at me.

I'm angry at me for being the girl I am. The repulsive, disgusting, weak girl I am. That I had to be. 

''I can't control it,'' I say, as Beastboy gets closer.

''Can't control what?''

''Get back!'' I shout when a zap of purple energy hits him on the arm. I wait for my powers to explode, but I act quickly.

 I swallow everything down, all the anger, sadness, and emotions I can't explain. I manage to get a grip on myself, once more, and I breathe a short sigh of relief that I didn't injure him as I thought I would.

''Raven, please tell me. Are you okay?'' he says, rubbing the burn on his arm, but dismissing the pain he must feel.

''I'm fine,'' I muster up, even though I know that he knows I am not.

''Really?'' 

''I'm fine.'' I grit my teeth, forcing the words out, dismissing my internal screams.

He stands by the door for some time, trying to decipher my words. 

''Remember, I'm always here if you need me.''

I nod, waiting for Beastboy to go.

''If you ever need to talk about anything, come find me.''

''Talking about it makes you weak. Bottling everything up is much better.'' My inner voice chimes in.

''Goodnight,'' he adds. ''Or good morning.'' 

I glance at my alarm clock. It's 2:28 am.

With a quick but sad smile, he is gone. 

I am left on my own once more.

Stop being so stubborn, Rae! A very emotion chapter here, but quite a cute one too. BB and Rae! Fangirling so much right now! Hope you enjoyed this chapter (I sure did) and make sure to come back to read the next chapter. Comment your thoughts!