The Diary Of A Teenage Girl [COMPLETED]

28/03

"Leiya," I whispered leaning over into her ear, and hair, "The fuck is going on with Hisashi?"

She shook her head at me.

"Ugh." I slumped back against the wall I'd been leaning against. We were sat in the corner of the cafeteria today, which I was grateful for as it meant I didn't have to spend any effort keeping myself upright. I didn't have any energy left. I'd spent the entire week trying to flirt with Hisashi, only to have it thrown right back in my face. I didn't know what I was doing wrong. Did I need to bring it more? Less? What did this guy want?

"Right, I'm going to find Xander. See if we're still on for the weekend."

"Of course you are. You guys having a shagging sesh?" Hisashi muttered. I didn't know if he thought I couldn't hear him or he was intending to be an arse. Either way I was getting a bit fed up. He knew it was for kayaking. Which was really important because it was helping keep up my photography grade.

I ignored him, getting up to go, searching through the crowds of people for a mop of chocolate brown hair.

Moving toward the spot where he was usually sat, I caught a glimpse of him. I quickened my pace, wanting to get this over with.

When I got to his table, all of them looked at me. They knew who I was, I'd met them all when Xander and I first started dating. So they were definitely going to gossip about this and make a big deal.

"Hey, Xander." They all continued staring at me, including Xander himself. "I just wanted to know if you're still on for helping me this weekend?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure." He responded, nodding, blushing slightly.

"Cool." And with that I turned around and walked away.

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I looked at my phone screen, Leiya appearing blurry. The internet connection was never good on FaceTime, no matter what you did.

"Leiya," I said, elongating the 'a' at the end of her name. "I still don't know what to do. He's being a dick."

"I don't know what to tell you. He can be a dick. I love him but he is who he is." She replied, her image still pixelated.

"Ugh. I want him to stop, it would make my life so much easier."

"Yeah, but there's not what life is about is it." She tutted. "Life is about facing challenges."

"I don't want this challenge, though. Things never go how I want them." I knew I was a bit of a control freak, I liked things to go to plan. And everyone else's life seemed to go to plan. They got the boys they wanted, the grades they wanted, the friends they wanted. I didn't seem to get anything I wanted no matter how much I tried to take control and make things happen like they were supposed to. I thought that might be why. I tried to control things too much and therefore it didn't run to plan. Things always seemed to happen when I least expected them to or when I didn't even want them to happen anymore.

"Well, that's just life for you, babe."

"It's so frustrating, I hate being out of control." I flopped back onto my bed so I was now lying staring at the ceiling, my phone dropping next to me.

"Mei, you're going to have to learn to stop trying to control everything eventually. You can't make Hisashi confess his undying love for you. I kind of think you should just try and move on."

Her words made sense but my brain didn't want to listen. I didn't know how to move on from a guy. The only way I'd previously gotten over crushes was by moving onto the next boy. I'd just hop on to the next one and then it was like the previous one never existed.

By this point, though, I was kind of over boys. They were too much stress. I thought about how much simpler life would be if I didn't spend it bouncing from worrying about one boy to the next.