I'm going slightly mad // Hardzello

Chapter 52

The next day Joe gets up as early as possible. Quitely he tiptoes towards the kitchen. He starts making breakfast for himself and Ben. Last night he made a list of what he wanted to eat and calculated everything Ben had to eat to up a hundred calories on his intake again. He weighs everything as precise as possible. He does fill his glass of orange juice instead of the 100 millilitres. Ben wouldn't know the difference anyway. As soon as he walks into their bedroom he places the tray of food on the bedside table before sitting down on the edge of the bed. He places his hand on Ben's shoulder before slowly shaking. A low grunt comes from Ben as soon as he starts waking up. That is the moment Joe bends down to kiss Ben's forehead.

"Goodmorning Benny. How did you sleep?" Ben's eyes flutter open as soon as he feels Joe's lip connect with his skin.
"Good." He says. Joe smiles at the husky voice Ben has from just waking up.
"I made you some breakfast." Joe nods towards the tray on the bedside table. He already put his own tray on his own bedside table. Ben looks from the tray towards Joe towards the tray again before closing his eyes. Joe can see that Ben bites his lip slightly. He wants to say something right at the moment Ben's eyes open again.
"Thank you, honey." Ben quietly says before carefully lifting the tray to put on his lap. He wants to resist eating, but he knows Joe worked hard for it. All he wants is to see Joe happy. If he can reach that by eating he will try his best. He has to say that it looks delicious. The egg is glazing and the egg yolk is a nice orange colour. The toast is exactly toasted the way Ben likes it. He sees Joe grabbing his plate along with the remote control. He puts on toy story 4. Ben looks to his left.
"Seriously?" Ben asks. Joe turns his head to the side. He looks up at him with innocent eyes.
"Yep, you said we would watch it. Now you can see the jumpscare too."

It takes Ben a long time to finish his breakfast, but halfway during the movie he finally puts his plate down onto the tray again. He gulps down the orange juice in one go. Joe looks over to Ben with a smile on his face. He thinks Ben doesn't notice it, but Ben luckily does. His breathing slows then as soon as he sees the happiness hinting in his boyfriend's eyes. Ben scoots over to lay his head in Joe's lap. He immediately feels a hand resting on his waist. Joe looks down at the man only to meet his eyes. Joe leans down to give him a quick peck on the lips. Ben buries his head deeper into Joe's lap as they continue watching the movie. After awhile Joe starts to play with Ben's hair. He lets his fingers slowly run through the blonde strands. The movie almost ends when Ben's phone starts to ring. He gets up to see who it is. His eyes glide over the screen before walking out of their bedroom. Joe has grabbed the remote control as soon as he heard the ringing. He pauses the movie so Ben won't miss anything.

Joe lays there staring at their tv screen until Ben comes back.
"Sorry about that. We have a little problem. They moved shooting forward again. My flight leaves tomorrow. Somehow they did manage to crop in my shooting time. I'll only be gone for a week and then another one after that some time." Joe suddenly sits up straight in bed.
"They what?" He asks while he walks over to the closet to get Ben's suitcase out.
"I'm sorry Joe. I have only been back for two weeks and now I need to go again." He grabs random clothes from his closet to place them into the suitcase.
"We knew when we started dating that these things can happen in both of our schedules so we have to find our way through them." Joe says before he walks into their bathroom. Only a few minutes later he comes back with Ben's toilet bag full of toiletries. Ben has already packed everything else. Well, he just grabbed the clothes that laid on top of the piles of clothes in his closet and threw them into his suitcase.

Joe walks out of their bedroom to start with making their lunch. He can hear Ben walking into the kitchen and sitting down at their table. Joe keeps his back turned towards Ben. He doesn't want him to see the single tear making its way down Joe's cheek. The last twenty-four hours were a rollercoaster of emotions. They had barely spent two weeks together and now Ben is leaving again. Which makes him feel sad and empty from inside. There is only one thing he is more worried about. Ben's food schedule. Joe can't make sure that he eats enough without him being there. Ben can do whatever he wants. Which, with the mindset he is in, he probably will do.

Joe walks out of the kitchen when he is almost finished. He turns his head away from Ben towards his right hand when he walks out of the kitchen. As soon as he is in their bedroom he lets himself sink against the bed. He leans against the frame while his legs curl up on the floor. Small tears are rolling down his cheeks and eventually find their way towards his chin. He hears the door of their bedroom open. Quickly he wipes away the tears with the sleeves of his sweater.
"What are you doing?" Ben asks softly.
"Nothing." Joe curses his mind for making his voice crack halfway through the word. He can hear footsteps approaching him.
"Are you crying?" Ben asks as soon as he can see Joe's face. He squats down next to him immediately.
"No." Joe whispers. He turns his head away from Ben. He doesn't want Ben to see him cry again. He already saw him crying way too many times which makes him feel like such a crybaby. Ben manoeuvres one arm under Joe's knees before wrapping his other one around the shoulders of the older boy. Carefully he lifts Joe before placing him on the bed. He flops on the bed before pulling Joe into his lap. The latter immediately crooks his head into Ben's neck. He inhales his boyfriend's smell sharply. Ben wraps his arms around Joe tightly while gently rocking him back and forth. He shushes him quietly. Neither of them says anything for a while. Ben just holds Joe tightly while Joe tries his best to get himself calmed down again.

"Talk to me, honey." Ben says as soon as he feels Joe's heart beating at a regular pace again. Joe opens his mouth but instead of saying anything he crooks his head back into Ben's neck. The latter gently rubs his hand over Joe's back.
"It's okay. You can talk to me. I won't get mad, I won't get upset. As long as you talk to me." Ben says.
"It is just. I'm so afraid that you'll not eat because I'm not there." Ben scratches his own head before wrapping his arm around Joe again.

"Will it make you happy if I promise that I will eat every meal?" Joe nods against his chest.
"But will you really? Yesterday you also told me that everything was fine although you were not fine. It's not that I don't trust you, but I don't trust your mind. I don't want you falling back into the same mindset." Joe mumbles.
"I understand that honey. I'm not mad. What if I download an app and we will synch it to both of our phones and I'll keep track of everything I eat as precisely as possible? If I don't reach the goal for that day you can, I don't know, come up with a punishment or something. Would that make you feel better?" Joe nods against Ben's chest.
"What if you don't mind your calorie goal, you can be 50 calories off by the way, the first time you need to skip a day of training. The second time you need to skip two days of training and so on?" Joe says after thinking for a few moments.
"But Joe. I can't skip training because I need them to film." Ben says.
"Then you will have to eat." Ben closes his eyes. Joe really outsmarted him on this one. He knows that there is no way he is going to get out of this.
"Okay, fine. Only if it will make you happy." Ben sighs loudly before holding Joe so he can see his face.
"It will." Joe says before locking their lips together.

*****************
Hey lovies,

For the first time in a long time we don't have a massive cliffhanger. It won't, however, last a very long time. Just so you know.

Love y'all!

Goodbye,

Xx Itsametaphorjoe