I'm going slightly mad // Hardzello

Chapter 46

Joe feels two pair of strong hands pick him up. He cracks one eye open just long enough to see that it is Gwil. As badly as he wants to, he knows that struggling won't help. So he lets himself get carried into Gwil's room. He carefully is placed on the bed. Gwil sits down next to him before wrapping his arms tightly around the American actor.
"Sshhhh." He whispers as soon as tears start streaming down Joe's face again.
"Ben is okay. He is safe. There is nothing you have to worry about." Gwil carefully rocks Joe back and forth. He uses one of his hands to push Joe further into his chest. 

It takes some time before Joe is calmed down a little. His breathing slowly slowing down. Tears have stopped. Gwil reaches around him to grab his phone. Joe looks up to see what he is doing. As soon as Gwil searches for Ben's contact Joe finally starts speaking.
"Don't. He is asleep." His voice cracks halfway through the sentence from crying so much.
"I don't care. He is your boyfriend. So, when you need him he should be there for you. Now is one of those moments." Gwil pushes the call button and waits for it to go over. It takes some time for Ben to pick up the phone.
"Gwil?" Ben's voice is husky and low indicating he woke up from Gwil's phone call.
"Sorry to wake you up Ben, but -" Ben doesn't wait for Gwil to finish his sentence before he starts to speak: "Is Joe okay?" Gwil chuckles. From the corner of his eyes, he even sees Joe's lip corners push up a little.
"Well, he just had a panic attack. I already calmed him down, but I think he can needs you more than he needs me." Gwil explains.
"Can you put me on speaker or something?" Ben immediately asks.
"I will give him my phone. Joe, I'm going to shower really quick while you talk to Ben, alright?" Joe nods as he grabs the phone from Gwil.

"Hi, baby." Joe hears Ben's voice coming through the speaker as soon as he holds the phone against his ear.
"Hai." His voice is raspy. He tries to think of something to say, but he can't think straight. Thoughts are still rushing through his head.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Ben asks. Joe tries to go over his options. He never told Ben what happened with Nathan and he isn't sure if this would be the right moment. On the other side, he knows he needs to trust Ben enough to tell him this.
"My ex-boyfriend called." Joe says. He immediately regrets saying it. He knows that Ben will ask him questions. The questions he doesn't want to answer.
"Nathan?" Ben asks. Joe feels his eyebrows deepen. How does Ben know about Nathan?
"How do you know his name?" Joe tries to think about all the time something happened related to Nathan but he tried to hide it from Ben the best he could. Not because he didn't trust Ben. He just didn't want Ben to feel bad for him.
"Your mom told you that she didn't like Nathan when we stayed there. I guessed I remembered that name." Joe lets out a shaky breath.
"So, yeah he called me. And he was not very nice. I think the stress from this morning with you and Nathan calling was just too much. I hate having these attacks. They are horrible."
"Understandable. I'm sorry that he called you. If you want to talk about it then know that I will always be here for you. If you don't then I will get it too. And sorry that I stressed you out so much." Ben's words almost push Joe over the edge of crying again.
"I know Ben. Thanks. Not now, but maybe when we are home." He answers his offer.
"And one more thing Joe. I know you feel like a bother when you have these attacks. Please don't. I'm more than happy to help you through them if it means that you're going to be safe. Alright?" Joe hums as an answer.
"You should go to sleep. I'm sorry Gwil woke you." Joe says.
"No problem love. Everything to help you. But yeah I should go back to sleep. Thank Gwil for calling for me, will you?" Ben says.
"I will. I love you." Joe says before rubbing his hand through his eyes. He can't help but notice how tired he is getting.
"I love you too honey." Ben's words rush straight to Joe's stomach. He feels the happy feeling he felt on their second date. After that, the call is ended. Joe places Gwil's phone on the nightstand. He leans back against the headboard of Gwil's bed.

From inside the shower, Gwil can't hear what is Joe is saying. He can, however, hear that he is talking. As soon as he hears that there is no sound coming from the other room he turns of the shower. He dries himself off and puts on his clothes. A pair of grey sweatpants and a white basic t-shirt. He tries his best to dry his hair down as good as possible. It is still sticking to his head when he walks into the bedroom. Joe has his eyes closed and his breathing is slow. Slow enough for Gwil to know that he is asleep. Gwil carefully lifts Joe so he can lay him down properly. He tries to get the phone and wallet out of the pockets of Joe's jeans without waking him up. He carefully places them on the nightstand before he lifts the blanket and tucks Joe in. For a few seconds, he looks at his peaceful sleeping friend. After that, he tries to lift the other mattress from the bed to place it on the ground. After grabbing the blanket he lays down on the mattress before slowly drifting asleep.

******
Ben watches the time the whole day. As soon as it is nearly time for Joe to wake up he opens the chat to send him a message.

Good morning honey, did you sleep okay? No more panic attacks?

He waits for a few seconds to see if Joe is already awake. When he doesn't respond right away Ben shoves his phone back into his pocket. Only to take it out right away after hearing the 'ping' sound. He can't help but be disappointed when he sees that it is Gwil instead of Joe. He opens the chat anyways. He smiles when he sees a picture of Joe laying in bed. By the looks of it he is dead asleep.

Look at your boy. He fell asleep after calling you. I let him crash in my room. Don't worry I slept on a mattress on the floor ; )

Ben zooms into the picture to look at Joe's face. Deep down inside he can't help but think how lucky he is to call Joe his boyfriend. Literally everything about him is perfect. He gets distracted by the fact that he needs to come up with an answer to send to Gwil.

Awh. Don't hesitate about sending me more pictures this trip. Don't worry about it I trust you. And Gwil thanks for calling me last night

The director calls for everyone to get back to set. Ben leaves his phone in his trailer. It was the end of his lunch break. He didn't eat anything. Not that he did eat lunch the last week. He barely ate any breakfast. He tries to eat a healthy dinner every day. Just to get enough food to train and shoot. His energy level is so low that he falls asleep at night without a problem. Most of the times it even leaves his nightmares to the side too. He refuses to tell Joe that he has nightmares. Once Joe woke him from one, but besides that has he had most of his nightmares without Joe. And he wants to keep it that way.

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Hey,

I'm sorry this chapter isn't the same quality that most of my other chapters have. I am rather busy these upcoming two weeks and I didn't have a lot of time to thoroughly edit this chapter. I hope you liked it anyway.

I love y'all.

Goodbye,

Xx Itsametaphorjoe