I'm going slightly mad // Hardzello

Chapter '39

Joe opens the door of his shared apartment with Ben. The latter is seated on the couch. With an unreadable expression on his face, he looks at Joe. The latter doesn't notice the weird behaviour and walks over to kiss Ben but right before he gets the chance, Ben starts speaking: "Did you use protection?" Ben looks Joe straight in the eye. A slight hint of anger can be noticed in his eyes.
"What do you mean?" Joe has raised one eyebrow and has turned his head sideways a bit.
"Did you use protection?" Ben repeats his question with a calm voice. The tone sends shivers down Joe's spine.
"I heard what you said, but what do you mean? I don't get it." Joe says while his mind races to find the right meaning of the question.
"Did you use protection when you fucked him?" Ben still looks Joe straight in the eye. It was almost as he was trying to read Joe's mind.
"Fucked who?" Joe tries to sound as calm as possible but his mind is racing with questions. Does Ben think that Joe cheated on him?
"Rami. Who else?" Joe hesitates before giving an answer. Is Ben joking? Or does he really think that Joe cheated on him?

"So, it is true?" Ben asks when he doesn't get an answer right away. Joe can see his boyfriend breaking from the inside. Although, Ben tries his best to keep the blank expression, his real emotions shine through.
"Of course it is not. Why would you think that I would cheat?" Joe has taken place on the couch. As soon as he sits down Ben moves away as far as possible, now sitting on the edge of the couch. Joe can feel his eyes starting to water but he succeeds in blinking the tears away. He doesn't want Ben to see his weak side. Not at this moment.
"The last few weeks you have been to Rami's place multiple times. Whenever I ask if I can come along you say that I can't. Now you went over to his house in the middle of the bloody night. You're making it a little too obvious." The first tears are forming in Ben's eyes but he tries to blink them away. Not only Ben is breaking down, but also Joe feels his heart ache. Why doesn't Ben trust him?
"I am not cheating on you, Ben." Joe can feel his mouth getting dry. He starts rubbing his thumb against the inside of his own hand, as a way of trying to calm his nerves.
"What are you doing then?" A single tear rolls down Ben's face. He quickly wipes it away with the back of his hand.
"Well, I don't know if Rami wants me to tell you. You know what, just call him." Joe says. He still tries his best to sound calm although, his heart is beating at a fast past. Slowly he gets more and more nauseous.

"What?" Ben asks. Joe takes his phone out of his pocket and searches for Rami's contact. He hits the calling button and puts the phone on speaker. He hands the phone to Ben.
"Ask him yourself." He simply says before leaning back against the backrest of the couch. While the phone is going over he scratches the back of his head. He doesn't know if he should be mad or sad that Ben would think that Joe is cheating on him.
"Hai Joe, with Rami." Rami's voice soon fills the room.
"Actually it's Ben and Joe." Ben says.
"Oh hey Ben. How are you doing?" Rami asks oblivious to the situation going on, on the other side of the call.
"Well, I had a quick question. What have Joe and you been doing lately?" That is when Joe breaks down. He didn't know Ben was so sure of his case. Tears start streaming down his face.
"May I ask you why you are asking me this?" Rami asks as soon as he hears someone sob on the other side of the line.
"So, it's true? Joe has been cheating on me with you?" Ben asks. Rami can feel his face drop into a frown. Lucy looks at him with a questioned look.
"No, of course not. Both of you stay where you are. I am coming over right now." Rami has already grabbed his keys and headed out of the door. It was only a five-minute walk towards the boys' apartment. Rami basically ran the whole way. So within a few minutes, he is standing in front of their door.

As soon as Rami rings the doorbell Joe is the one to answer. His tears have stopped but have left stains on his face and shirt. Rami is shocked by the look on Joe's face. It's more than only sadness. He is really hurt. Ben is sitting on the couch facing away from the door. Rami doesn't pay too much attention to Joe and instead storms past him towards Ben.
"Ben, why the hell would you think that Joe would cheat on you?" He does his best not to scream, but the sound of anger is heard. Rami has taken Joe's place on the couch and looks Ben directly in the eye. Ben explains his whole theory once again.
"Well, Joe has been helping me. My nightmares about the accident have come back. Tonight I just couldn't handle it anymore. I don't want to tell Lucy because I am afraid I will lose her. Because she might think that it is lame to have a boyfriend who is still grieving over someone he has lost twelve bloody years ago. Tonight I woke up from yet another nightmare and I was such a wreck that I didn't know what to do. Joe helped me through everything in the past so I hoped he could help me again." Rami almost whispers the last part. Ben looks up from Rami to Joe sitting on a chair with his face in his hands towards Rami again.

"Really?" Ben asks. Rami nods at the question. He can see Joe's back and shoulder moving up and down so fast that he knows Joe is crying. Rami wants to walk over to Joe and hug him but it will probably make everything ten times worse.
"I'm sorry." Ben whispers.
"You should say that to him. Not to me." Rami says while he nods towards Joe. The latter hasn't looked up but is still staring at the ground. Ben walks over to Joe and sits down on the floor in front of him.
"I am sorry Joe. It all seemed so logical in my head this morning. It was stupid from me to even assume that you would cheat on me. I am so so sorry." Ben has used his finger to lift Joe's head so he is looking at him.
"I just need some alone time Ben. You really hurt me with this. Don't go looking for me. I'll be fine." Joe pushes past Ben and walks towards the door.
"I can't believe you think that I would cheat on you. After all, I have done for you?" Without looking back he slams the door shut behind him.

***********
Hi lovies,

I warned you that drama was coming. With drama often come cliffhangers because y'all know I love those.

Do you see what I did in the title. I think Bri has taken over my account.

Anyways, have a nice day/ good night rest y'all.

Goodbye,
- Bri
(just kidding, -Itsametaphorjoe)