WE GATHER TOGETHER by Edward L. Woodyard

We Gather Together Chapter Forty-Four

Jack Drexler continued to make his argument. He wanted them to get back together again. "Whatever our demons are, Annie. Our fears, our frustrations, our. . ."

"Our bills. Have you seen them?" Annie interrupted him, having made her final point. Jack changed the subject.

"Let me use the phone so I can make some appointments," he said pointing to the phone receivers at the top of the boat bag.

Annie put on her down jacket and stared directly at Jack. "When are you going to grow up?"

Annie opened her purse, looking for something as Jack came back at her, "Me?! When are you going to find whatever it is you're looking for?"

From her purse, Annie held up a key fob to Jack. "Just did."

She took the canvas boat bag with the toys, clothes and phone receivers and led Kelly by the hand toward the front door. Jack stepped aside. Annie noticed that Jack was looking around for something

"Just get a job, Jack. We need the health insurance."

"I'll get a job. It'll be one that I want."

"When will that be? When hell freezes over?"

Annie motioned Jack out of the door, but Jack was preoccupied looking for something.

"I do have some dignity."

"Dignity doesn't feed a family. Just get a job with another agency."

Annie realized what Jack was looking for, put down the boat bag and gave Kelly's hand to Jack.

"Maybe I'll work for myself."

"No, Jack. You'll work for your family."

"I always have."

Annie retrieved Jack's baseball cap from the club chair and handed it to him. The action between the two of them was practically instinctual, all done without saying a word to each other about what just transpired. It was as though they were confirming once again to each other and to themselves something they had known about each other almost from the first instant: that they knew each other better than they knew themselves.

"I'm running late," she said as Jack opened the front door and put on his Yankees cap.

Annie motioned Jack out of the house and then exited with Kelly and her boat bag. She locked the front door and kicked the leaves out of her way as she went toward the Suburban parked in the driveway.

"Maybe I'd like to be boss for once," Jack continued.

"That would be a change. You were never even the boss in your own home. You always threw everything on me."

Annie was hitting a few of Jack's raw nerves about their relationship. She was succeeding in getting him angry, even as he tried to maintain some self-control in front of Kelly. Annie became surprisingly calm; she was in control and knew it as she buckled Kelly into her car seat and put the canvas boat bag on the front seat. She handed Kelly the pink stuffed bunny that she had found under the chair earlier.

"You found Chelsea," Kelly said. She became excited as she hugged her stuffed bunny, but her parents were too involved with their own concerns to share in their daughter's delight.

"I don't have a home," Jack pleaded.

"Not my fault, Jack. I'm not the one who walked out."

Jack wanted to tell her that he was sorry, that he wanted her forgiveness, but now was not the right time. Annie still wouldn't look over at him as she sat behind the steering wheel and started the car. She knew if she looked at him, she might give into him. Now was not the right time for her to do that.

But Jack stood there by the driveway, looking at his wife. His daughter was staring at him from her car seat in the back, holding onto Chelsea tightly.

"I was becoming him. I had to get away."

"You're not your father, Jack."

Jack was being as honest as he could. He didn't need to say anything further. Annie knew exactly what he was talking about. The conflict between Jack and his father had started at the time the Drexlers had moved from California to Castlebury when his father was transferred and Jack entered high school. His father quickly became dissatisfied with his life and felt alienated both by his new position and by his family, putting enormous strains on Jack and his sister to keep the peace between their parents as they argued, and as his mother's drinking increased. It may have been one of the reasons why Jack hung out at the McCullochs during high school; he could get away to a family that didn't always squabble and disagree. It got better once Jack went off to Colorado and especially when he later came home to help his father in his last months, finally reconciling with him when his cancer worsened and he entered hospice. But the damage had been done; as Jack's sister said, "It was all too little too late."

When Annie put the car in reverse, Jack yelled at her, "I love your parents, Annie. I wanted us to be like them."

Annie looked at Jack then rolled down the driver's side window, "So did I. But we're not them. I try hard, Jack."

Annie rolled up her window and backed down the driveway as Jack ran next to the car. Annie backed out onto the street, almost scraping the hitch on the back of the Suburban against the rise in the road. She rolled down her car window again.

"I never hear thanks, Jack."

Jack stopped at the curb and then approached her car, "Neither do I."

"I know. 'Life's a bitch. And then you marry one.'"

"You weren't a bitch then, Annie."

"Then you made me into one, Jack."

Jack noticed that an SUV on the street was slowing, trying to figure out what Annie was going to do. Jack motioned the SUV to go around Annie while the woman driving glared at him. He was finally going to say some things to Annie and he didn't care who else heard him, even if Annie didn't. "You wanted me to give you kids and after that was done, you didn't need me any more except to pay your bills and give you financial support!"

Annie knew what he said was in anger and frustration. She put the Suburban in drive and turned to him, "I never stopped loving you, Jack!"

Now it was Annie who was angry and frustrated. She rolled up her window and, through her side view mirror, studied a stunned Jack standing on the rise in the middle of the street.

"I never stopped loving you either," Jack murmured under his breath.

Jack was ashamed of himself for having ever doubted Annie. He knew that, during everything they had gone through together, and would still go through, their love was profound and true.

He noticed brake lights go on when the Suburban stopped at an intersection at the end of the street. He cupped his hands on the sides of his mouth and yelled, "I love you Annie Drexler with every ounce of my being!"

He didn't know if she heard him or not. In her side view mirror, Annie thought Jack was ranting again; she wondered if he had even heard what she had just said about loving him.

While stopped at the intersection, Annie turned around to see Kelly safe in her car seat as she hugged Chelsea. Annie again looked both ways for oncoming traffic before she took a left at the stop sign, heading toward Drew and Cara's house.

Jack had said about Annie what he needed to say and it was for the whole world to hear, even if Annie hadn't heard him. He knew he had just freed himself to do what he should have done a long time ago.