Feelings | Bakudeku

37 - Fixing This: Part (3/3)

Izuku's POV

My eyes glance over to the desert in front of us. The soba pudding sits there, uneaten. Kacchan seems more interested in stirring his coffee rather than the cake.

After a few minutes of contemplating whether or not to eat some of the pudding, I decide to finally pick up one of the spoons laying nicely against the edge of the plate. The utensil cuts into the pudding and instantly I get excited. I put the spoon in my mouth, immediately feeling happy as this desert has one of my favorite foods in it.

I still have a hard time believing Kacchan even remembered that small fact from our childhood. It's nice that he's trying, yet I still have this odd feeling in the back on my mind. I decide to not think of it though as I focus on the task at hand. I hear Kacchan's voice and I look up as I have accidentally tuned him out for the past few minutes.

"I need to tell you the truth... how I feel... things like that. Before though I just want to tell you a few things"

I nod my head as a response. I look at his eyes and what scares me is that there isn't any flirtatious look or annoyance, not even a happy glare. What I see is pure worry. This is one of the first times I've seen him like this. I'm not sure what to think.

"When we had our little break. That was probably some of the worst days of my life. There were so many habits I had to break, there were things I couldn't tell you anymore. All I could do was think of the nerd that always sat in front of me in class." He says somewhat softly, gripping onto his coffee cup a little more.

"I know how you feel. I sometimes found myself sitting at my desk, waiting for you to come over. Yet you never came and I remembered that you weren't going to." I explain, looking down a little, a small tear forming. I quickly wipe it away though before anymore could fall. Kacchan doesn't seem to notice this and I sigh with relief.

I once again take a bite of the pudding, lifting my eyes a bit. I feel the blonde's gaze on me as I do this and I start feeling a little embarrassed and quickly put the spoon back down. A hint of pink lining on my cheeks.

"And here I thought I was the only one awkwardly waiting for you." Kacchan exclaims with a small laugh.

A smile creeps onto my lips as I watch the boy across from me make light of such a delicate situation.

"I did realize something though" the blonde says, the smile escaping his face. "After I brought you to the nurse that one day. I knew that I couldn't lose you. I couldn't give up on us."

"Kacchan... I know how you feel but-"

"I get it, you feel uncomfortable.. you don't need to say it again... I just wanted to at least try." He interrupts me.

The smile falls from my lips. As my eyes don't meet the ones across from me.

The sad thing is I want to be with him again. I want to feel his lips on mine. I want to wake up next to him. I want our old routines back. I would give anything to go back to how it used to be... yet my mind just won't let me. All these doubts and thoughts creep into my head. They make me question my relationship and I don't know if I can ignore my own thoughts.

I miss him though...

Those words echo through my head over and over until I can't hold back the tears anymore. A few fall and this time Kacchan notices.

He comes over and moves his chair so that we are next to each other. The blonde holds out his hand, inches away from my face and stands frozen as if he doesn't know what to do. It's as if he feels like he can't touch me.

"Hey... don't cry... I didn't mean to guilt you or anything." He says as his hand unfreezes. His finger wipes away the few stray tears that fell.

I look up at him teary eyes, wanting him to pull me closer so I could cry in his arms. Just as I did before we took our break from each other. That was the last time I was that close to him.