About (Harry Styles)

20.

Other peoples lives don't concern me nor appeal to me.  The only people we really care about are those in our contact list.  Those who are only a press of a button away.

It's just the idea of being in the same room with this man I barely even knew still makes me uncomfortable.  And how I am supposed to call this stranger my father the next day, it's not an easy thing.  Change doesn't come easy for me.  And having a sudden father figure in my life after twelve years of not having one is a pretty big change.

"I know you don't see me as your dad." 

I stiffen in my seat for some unknown reason.   I've always known that he's aware of my feelings as him not being a father to me.  But his sudden confrontation is a lot scarier than I expected.

"You never call me dad and I know it's hard for you," he sighs quietly.  "I understand if you're uncomfortable with it.  When you and your mother had that argument about your father ... I realized that both of you will never heal until you learn the truth."

"The truth?"  I gulp. 

His intentions are not clear as I speculate any sort of movement on his face. 

" I want to give you the opportunity to meet your father."

...

My mind is in constant turmoil as the lawyer's offer replays in my head for the millionth time.  The offer to meet my biological father. 

The man who always made an effort to sing the same sleepy melody to me before I went to bed.  The man who left me and my mother unexpectedly twelve years ago.  The man who forbade me to date any boy til I was eighteen.

All this time, all these years, I returned to the farmer's market trying to find a way to meet him by my own means.

But now that the chance is right in my grasp, right smack dab in front of my face, why am I so hesitant to take it?

Someone approaches the front desk but their figure is all a blur.  That's how it's been today.  Everything, everyone that came in is just a passing blur.

I greet them with a smile, asking him what he needs.  He replies that he's just going to be playing a game by himself and I nod, registering him in the system.  After he pays, he leaves and I return to my deadpan state.

Before I know it, my shift is already over.   The sky has turned dark, and the people have all left, the space completely empty.  A few of the coworkers leave in groups and they say goodbye to me as I pass through the hallway to get to the back room.

As I'm in the break room, I call my mother to pick me up but to no avail, she doesn't answer.  I get her voicemail and hang up instantly, growing annoyed of people who do not pick up their phones. 

If you don't pick it up, why have even have a phone?

I scroll down pass Mr. White's contact knowing fully well that it's best not to call him.  He'd prompt me for an answer, one that I don't have yet.

Quinn's away in Delaware.

I'd call Marco but he's probably already asleep.  And he's the deepest sleeper I know so it'd be pointless to call him.

The only other person in my phone is .. Kai.

I have yet to delete his contact. Photos have been erased. Memories have been forced away into the small, brown drawer in the back of my head. It's been over three years since we talked, and I still haven't found the courage to delete him from my life completely.

It's so simple.  To just press the delete button, and it'll be gone forever. 

But I'm afraid that if I erase it, the last thing I have of his, I'll be erasing everything.  As if nothing ever happened.