Fallen Skies by ArwenGray
Review by catchumylife
IMPRESSION BEFORE READING
Title: Love the title!
Cover: Lovely cover! 100% aesthetic.
Description: I love the writing. I think the entire description is concise, which reels readers in! You also explained the situation/conflict well. However, I wish the description is more organized. There are too many one-sentence paragraphs that shouldn't be one-sentence paragraphs.
AFTER READING
One of the great things about fantasy is the creative concepts, and I honestly think this story's entire idea and the world is really neat. It's clear that you put a lot of thought and effort into this story, which is always admirable. There are several moments in this book that have impressive writing as well.
However, there are some critical errors that need to be addressed: inconsistent pacing (filler), info-dumping, and weak character interactions.
FOCUSES
Plot
The story drags out scenes that should not be dragged and rushes moments that are important. For example, in chapter three, 80% of the chapter is about the party(or in harsher terms, 80% is filler), when the remaining 20% is when the true heart of the plot begins. Of course, it's great that you're trying to build up to the prime moment, but I feel like you get so caught up in writing the details, you forget to take a step back and remember what's important. This consistently happens throughout the book. While development is important, being concise is also an essential skill to have when storytelling.
IMPORTANT: INFO-DUMPING -
I know this may sound harsh, but you have committed what is considered one of the worst sins in writing, especially in the genre of fantasy. Take a look at chapter two. Essentially (you admit it in your author's note too haha), you summarize all the information about the world, the history of the world, your characters, your characters' background, the conflict of the story -- essentially, your entire concept all into one big chapter. Phew! Don't you think that's a tad bit overwhelming for readers?
Although they are not as obvious, there are also several moments where there is a summarization of information chunked together in dialogue (chapters 5 and 6). Many of the information summarized repeats throughout the chapters as well. Avoid redundant information!
This is known as "info-dumping", where the author introduces information inappropriately by "dumping" it all at once instead of weaving it into the story.
Why is info-dumping so bad? To be curt: it's boring, thus unappealing. It's telling, not showing. Info-dumping cuts the relationship between the reader and the characters. The readers will feel like the author is telling them all this information instead of the characters. The number one way to scare off readers is to info-dump.
Look at any famous fantasy novel (Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Song of Ice and Fire, Eragon, etc.) and not a single one has a chapter dedicated to explaining how the entire world works. All the info is weaved into the book. They're weaved throughout the story and discovered through conversations and observations.
Characters
All of your characters are great! I have no issue with your character development, but I do have a few concerns about the interactions among the characters.
YOU ARE READING
Bangtan Writers Reviews
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