Bangtan Writers Reviews

Noctuary by @feggienan

Noctuary by feggienan
Review by catchumylife

IMPRESSION BEFORE READING

Cover: Love the cover! Simple and easy to read!

Title: Love the title! The title is concise and relates to the story beautifully!

Description: I love the formatting of it, but I think that the description of the story could be a little bit more detailed. Give some more background information about Jimin and Kyara; I think more people would be curious if they had a general gist of the story.

AFTER READING

I. Love. It. So. Much. Period.

If I have to be frank, there's not much advice to give. Your writing flow, pacing -- the whole shebang -- is beautiful. I especially love your dialogue. I can just read it in the New York accent, and I love it so much! I'd love to learn a thing or two about your writing. Ah, I'm devastated!

However, there is one thing that I have noticed while reading your story. There are many adverbs that could be removed or replaced for more concise writing.

FOCUSES

1) Writing Style:

Word Choice - I love your vocabulary usage. It's comfortable, effective, and not picked at random. However, there are too many adverbs. Adverbs are considered "lazy writing" because they are redundant, unclear, and replace potential imagery. Let's use a few examples. In 0.3, after Kyara explains her indecisiveness, you write:

"Jimin simply nods understandingly..."

In this case, both adverbs are not necessary, thus can be deleted. If Jimin responds in an understanding manner in the dialogue, which he does, then readers can assume that he is nodding to show he understands. Does that make sense?

In 0.4, you write:

"Jimin shrugs merrily..."

"He deadpans, chuckling lightly..."

The first quote is unclear. How does someone shrug "merrily"? Is it the shrugging speed that makes it merry? Or perhaps the way his shoulders move? It's hard to get a clear image. I assume it is his facial expression that makes his shrug playful and merry. So, instead of using an adverb, try expanding the tag by describing his face:

"Jimin, with a cheerful countenance, shrugs..." or "Jimin shrugs, blithe twinkling in his eyes... "

Notice how there is an improvement in imagery? It's easier to imagine in one's head.

The second quote's adverb can also be removed. The word "chuckle" already implies that the laugh is light, so we do not need another adverb for it.

Dialogue - Just wanted to say that I love your dialogue so much. The way Jimin and Kyara speak to each other is alluring and successfully portrays their strong chemistry. I am in awe. Enchanting, beautiful, and elegant.

ADVICE

Watch out for adverbs! It's possible to be descriptive and concise at the same time. Of course, adverbs are welcomed in writing but with caution. Most of the time, adverbs can be removed, replaced, or expanded. Before you add an adverb, think: will this adverb change the ENTIRE meaning of this sentence? If it doesn't, then don't add it.

Adverbs are not the best in this situation:

"He walked slowly through the door."

If the adverb is replaced with more imagery, the sentence would be, "He dragged his feet through the door."

Ah! Much better. Not only can I see the scenario in my head, but also I can hear it. I can understand the connotation and the mood of the situation.

Let's use a famous song as an example of when the adverb is important: "Killing Me Softly". The adverb "softly" is valid in this title because "Killing Me" is different from "Killing Me Softly.". Does that make sense?

Maybe as a practice, try writing a few paragraphs without using adverbs. This will force you to use more concise verbs or more imagery. This works like a charm. My descriptions improved like crazy after following this piece of advice.

ENDING NOTE

I adore this story so much. Once this review publishes (and once my goddamn vote button starts working), I will be dropping this story love. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to read a cute romantic "Midnight-In-Paris-like" fic! 

We remind you to credit us, thebtswriters, and your reviewer, catchumylife, in the description of your story for giving you a review. Thank you for requesting!