Bangtan Writers Reviews

Lifeless Escort by @tiptipchim

Lifeless Escort by tiptipchim 
Review by regan4life

IMPRESSION BEFORE READING

The cover and title of the story go well together, however, the description isn't up to the mark. The description gives a different scenario regarding the story and doesn't seem very much related to it so far. Yes, it's there, but it doesn't relate or match with the story at all.

AFTER READING

The book resembles the k-drama 'Goblin' a lot. That was my first thought about everything.

Writing style

I'll be very honest here, the way you wrote the story puts off the readers. It's very bland, really. I don't even know how to describe it right now. There's nothing that excites the readers and makes them want to continue reading, nothing to pull on their Strings and bring out the inquisitivity in them to continue reading.

It doesn't feel like you're reading a mystery/thriller book. Books like that are supposed to be a little vague, yet they should be giving out just enough information to keep readers guessing and debating over the many possibilities of the future events. I don't mean they should be predictable. But they should be able to keep the readers on their toes. Yours however, is simply confusing. I don't know if that was the vibe you were aiming for, but I truly don't understand anything about the story. It's not the vague yet informative kind,  it's just confusing.

Plot

I'm not sure if you're going to follow the plot of goblin or not,  but if you are, change it up. If you're going to make a change, keep in mind that it should be able to create a completely different outcome as well. It should open up many more directions in which the story can go. So far, I haven't observed anything like that. Since you haven't written many chapters, I'm hoping this will happen in the future. Also if it's going to be the predictable, 'she sees him although she shouldn't be able to, they fall in love' please don't go with that.

Characters

The characters are really dull and lifeless, sadly. They don't have much emotion or reactions. The scenario where one of the characters dies and her sister cries for her is particularly dull. Everyone lacks emotion. All their conversations are very basic and simple. 

Character development

So far, I see no character development or character flaw. Give your MC flaws, that is what makes them real. There seems to be no change in them nor any moment of realization. Yet again, I hope all of that happens in the upcoming chapters. The best thing about a story is when the audience can relate to it.

FOCUSES

Characters

Focus on your characters more. Your characters are the key aspect of your story, and everything revolves around what they say and do. So focus on them! Give an introduction to them, tell everyone their backstory. Do they (the two MC's) know each other? Or not? If they do, how? Put them out in the light. And most importantly, make sure they make mistakes. Big mistakes. You said you want to focus on the hidden love story in your book, right? There's your chance. Let them make mistakes in love. Cause last I checked, being in love with a Grim Reaper isn't easy.

Vocabulary

Enrich your vocabulary! Use different words instead of the plain old, simple ones. Your usage of vocabulary gives you the power to twist one's words and make them harder to figure out. When the MC in your book is in pain or expresses any form of extreme emotion, you seem to just write their words in capital. Instead of that, try to explain their current state with your words. I recommend using the app 'Thesaurus' for this. It's very helpful!

Elaborate scenarios:

Rather than: "NO" he said angrily. But I left anyway, I wasn't scared of him anymore.

Go with,

"No," he stated firmly, his voice  laced with anger and jealousy.

I snickered at how pathetic he looked and turned around leaving.

This time, I won.

He was the fire that put me out and turned me to ashes.

But I reincarnated like water. Powerful enough to drown that bitch.

I know this isn't a part of your book, but I just wanted to give an example. See the difference between both of the scenarios?

When you describe a scenario, the audience should be able to imagine it in their heads. They have to feel like it's happening in front of them.

ADVICE

Have a flashback for each character. Let everyone have their own story and let it unfold chapter through chapter building their personality and character as a person.

And if you absolutely don't know what to do with a character, put them through hell and back. Put them in their toughest situation and think about what you would do in their situation.

What's the worst that could happen?

Those situations will help justify and form their reaction to situations later on in the story.

Other than that, when you're writing a scenario or describing a setting, think about it in your mind.

Imagine even the tiniest details. If it's a cafè, think about the people present. Is it empty or is it full? Think about the bustling of the employees on a busy day, or the peaceful silence of a lazy one. What about the atmosphere? Think about how the warm smell of coffee and freshly baked cookies engulfing each person as they enter the cafè. 

All these little details set the mood for a story, so when you write, make sure to put yourself in the scenario with the characters.

When it comes to your characters, let them make mistakes. Let them have flaws and regrets. We all have our down days, and so should they.

Personally, when I write a story I put myself in the shoes of the MC so when I write about their thoughts and reactions, drawing out the emotion in them is the easiest. I recommend you do the same!

ENDING NOTE

You have a lot of potential!  Don't stop writing hun. And don't get discouraged by any of this, cause the only way you'll get better is if you step out of your comfort zone when reading and writing.

Make sure to expose yourself to various genres of books.

Hope I didn't come off as too harsh!