Bangtan Writers Reviews

Click by @xchasingdreamz

Click by xchasingdreamz
Review by asakayu

IMPRESSION BEFORE READING

The cover is a little dark but it goes well with the description! I will go into this more during Focuses, but (this is a personal preference), I know it's aesthetic, but just make sure there are no spaces between quotes and dialogue in your description.

I like how you wrote your description. It gives the right bit of information and leaves the reader wondering what's going to happen next.

AFTER READING

I noticed that there were places where you neglect commas. In addition, you didn't utilize the commas for your dialogue tags (I'll use examples from Chapter 3).

You wrote, "I snickered loving the reaction I would be getting."

It would be: "I snickered, loving the reaction I would be getting."

Then, you wrote, "I'm kidding." I said chuckling.

Which would be, "I'm kidding," I said, chuckling.

Make sure you always use commas when a dialogue tag follows. A dialogue tag is a small phrase before, between, or at the end of dialogue. In addition, action tags are a separate sentence from dialogue unless you attach it to a dialogue tag.

Dialogue tags include said, agreed, exclaimed, affirmed, cried, asked, responded, retorted, etc.

Action tags can be like:

With a pat on the back, he said, "It's okay."

Or:

"That's the spirit." He grinned.

When you addressed Hoseok's mom, you used "Miss. Jung" instead of "Ms. Jung," so make sure you keep in mind that you only use the period if it's Ms. and you don't use one at all for Miss. 

FOCUSES

First Impression

Your cover and description both allude to a darker theme in the story and they work well together. The "JHS" on the cover is a little awkwardly placed just because it doesn't look centered compared to the title and I can barely read the author creds. You should make the "written by chasingdreamz" part bigger to show your ownership.

The title is nice. "Click" reminds me of a romance book, like a click or a spark between a couple. However, you took the concept and gave it a different turn which I find intriguing.

Based on the description, the plot looks very original with the clicker, unlike anything I've seen. This is nit-picky but in your introduction, you had a few instances where you added extra space and one where you put a space before a comma.

You wrote, "This book will contains mentions of depression , fluff, and angst so read at your own risk."

Make sure you vary the commas.

It would be: "This book will contain mentions of depression, fluff, and angst, so read at your own risk."

I have no other gripes! Just make sure you're consistent with your dialogue because the rest of your book uses the "" but in the introduction, you used '' for the quotes.

Plot

Initially, I was confused as to why Hoseok was so desperate to stay by Val's side. Considering he only heard her voice for the first time at around the seventh chapter or so. It still wasn't completely clear with Hoseok's simply being intrigued by her and the clicker. They didn't have much of a past but somehow, Hoseok seemed to know what problems she was going through which was left unexplained.

I thought you brought up stuff very subtly, which was well done. With Hoseok noticing that Val was getting thinner, and him taking pills to remember, and her being cautious with her mother.

One thing I wish was more of a focus was Val's mother and Val finding her happiness after Hoseok's death. She learned to move on without him, so it had to have been due to a resolution within herself. Also, it would have been interesting to see a scene with Val and her mother, finally standing up to her. It wasn't stated explicitly what she had done, so it was a bit confusing.

Character

I thought the character development was a bit rushed in terms of Hoseok falling for Val despite not having talked to her that much. I think their relationship slowed down towards the end, however, and it was nicer to see Val taking care of herself without Hoseok's help. Her emotions were very raw when Hoseok died and she became more three-dimensional in my eyes.

If you slow down their progression and make their attraction more natural, I think it would flow better. 

ADVICE

My advice is to slow down your book and think of an incentive for Hoseok to approach Val in a less forced way. Also, proof-read and make sure you fix dialogue and grammar—it's otherwise well written but now you just have to go in and fix the little details. 

ENDING NOTE

You have a very interesting concept, Amy, and the way you write is gripping enough to make me have read it in one sitting! I wish you the best of luck in your future works and I hope this review helped you! 

We remind you to credit us, thebtswriters, and your reviewer, asakayu, in the description of your story for giving you a review. Thank you for requesting!