Hallucination by Popcornismyreligion
Review by exodaddykokobop
IMPRESSION BEFORE READING
liked the title; simple but intriguing. As for the cover- it was too plain, but sort of blended with the title to bring out the sinister edge, so that's a good start. But I'd like for you to try something different and daring.
Now for the description- the blurb was just not what I had expected, I'll be honest. Since it is the first thing (aside from the title itself, and the cover) one would read to get a picture of what you have to offer, it was too bland in that regard. Like, it had information, true, but the relevancy lacked. So, I guess you need to work on making it more edging to get people to start off with your actual content.
AFTER READING
This is one tricky part. The outline of your plot was haphazard. Characterization was plain too, and without any specific source of emotion. Their actions also came off as irrelevant.
I know, this is supposed to be a horror mystery ff, but there was no way of telling it if I'm being honest. The plot went down in a straight line, but there was nothing straight about it; it was just too messy to focus on one single aspect.
FOCUSES
Characters-
Like I mentioned earlier, the characterization was too plain. It was as if I was reading a blank sheet of paper, where upon characters were presented, but so much absent from action and emotion.
One word of advice: try to be the character you are portraying. Put yourself in their shoes, ask yourself several questions (what would you do if you were them? Would you do the things they did, should have you been there? As such) and then proceed.
Writing style-
There is not much to say about this either. It went on a straight pace without much effort to stand out.
You used a handful of vocabulary, and that's alright if you are a beginner. But I'd like to suggest you try enhancing it. I'm not saying to use complex terms, just use the ones that you, as well as the readers can easily grasp on.
ADVICE
° plot outline. Before you start off the main story itself, try to make necessary notes on what you want out of the book. Give relevant reasons as to why the event took place in the first place; why was it necessary; why are the characters involved; and how; how do these (events) have impacted the characters' emotional state and physical- find a balance; do not make them into something they are not.
° chapter outline. Pre-starting a chapter, take notes on what do you wish to talk about in this upcoming event, and if they are an important source to the main plot overall. This would help you retain your pace, and refrain you going off track.
° enrich your vocabulary. Vocabulary is an important asset to a story. It not only defines how well you can structure your sentence but also balances the amount of emotional approach for both the audience and the narrator themselves.
° improve your sentence structure. Now, I know writing is subjective. Some people opt for a straightforward approach, whilst others focus more on the descriptive areas. I, for one, is more into the latter part, if I'm being truthful. If you decide to write on point, then do so without being too straight about it.
No one enjoys the books that go: "I woke up, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth. Got dressed, ate my breakfast, went to school." NO! JUST DON'T DO THAT. Try twisting the words a bit.
And if you wish to settle for more descriptive one, then try to give a rational explanation for it.
° characterization. Readers are likely to feel one with the narration of the story when they can relate to the characters; emotionally. Try making them as vulnerable as we humans are; inflict imperfections to them. They don't have to be portrayed as Mary Sue(s) to be perfect. A character is likely to attain their recognition when they are more relatable to the general audience in every level.
° world you create. A story is more than just a few characters put together. You need to focus on the atmosphere too when you present your tale to make the readers feel one with that you're serving.
° read. Reading is the biggest medicine to improve your writing. Try reading books written by fellow wattpaders. I know, the prospect is intimidating, but it is useful nonetheless.
ENDING NOTE
Hope my criticism was constructive and you found my advice helpful. Wishing nothing but the best for you, love! All the best for your upcoming projects.
ВЫ ЧИТАЕТЕ
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