Throne by riseofsuga
Review by ARILEZX
IMPRESSION BEFORE READING
Title
Not really original, but it definitely matches to the plot. So it's good.
Description
Maybe add dialogue or a quote to it? Because that description is pretty heavy. A dialogue or a quote might lighten it up.
Cover
Why only Jin if it's an OT7 fic :'(
What is this discrimination :"(
Kidding. I know it was originally a Jin fanfiction + he is sort of the main character, so it's alright.
AFTER READING
Plot
Historical fanfictions are really tedious to read since they always have so many details in them, and they're often dragged on by the author.
I was really happy when you gave your story a mysterious spin to it in addition to the romance sub-genre. Really lifted your story up.
Characters
Nothing to say here much.
They were very well put-together and likeable. They knew what they were doing and what they wanted.
However, for the first few chapters wherein Taehyung debuts as the 'shady' character, I felt that those parts lacked that impact which is usually expected from the 'villainous' characters.
Perhaps rewrite those parts using new terms and quotes?
FOCUSES
Characters
I said it all above ^^
Plot
Historical fanfictions are really hard to find and even harder to write. I commend on your choice of this genre.
One advice: build up your suspense from the very start, for not many readers are fond of historical fanfictions.
Writing Style
While writing historical fanfictions, you need to balance the seesaw of dialogues and descriptions perfectly. The moment you lose focus, your story spirals out of its momentum and readers exit your story.
And you need a really wide range of vocabulary in your grasp to keep the wheels of the plot moving.
For you, I found the seesaw of dialogues and descriptions to be perfectly balanced, but your language was so dull it took away my interest.
There's only one solution to this problem and that is to enrich your vocabulary by learning new terms and phrases.
Reading different articles and books are vital too.
ADVICE
I'll only focus on your grammar here because I've already talked about the other things.
° Be careful with commas too.
Use a comma to separate two independent clauses linked by a coordinating conjunction (and, but, for, nor or, so, yet)
° Your dialogues also contained certain errors related to punctuations.
If no tag follows the text, end the dialogue with punctuation to end the spoken sentence. This rule applies only to periods. You should not omit other punctuation that adds meaning or clarity to the sentence, such as an exclamation point or question mark.
° Start using semicolons (properly i.e)
A semicolon may be used between independent clauses joined by a connector, such as and, but, or, nor, etc., when one or more commas appear in the first clause.
ENDING NOTE
You are doing a marvellous job with your story!
Keep doing it <3
We remind you to credit us, thebtswriters, and your reviewer, ARILEZX, in the description of your story for giving you a review. Thank you for requesting!
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