Bangtan Writers Reviews

The Perfect Student by @MissFischer98

The Perfect Student by MissFischer98
Review by asakayu

IMPRESSION BEFORE READING

I didn't really like the first cover you had of the collage with all the bubbly balloon text, but I like this new one a lot more. I do, however, have a few, minor gripes with it.

Maybe you could zoom into Namjoon and make his face more recognizable because he's a little far away. The username at the bottom is right over his feet, so if you could move it down it would be better.

Another thing I noticed is that the letters say "Thr" instead of "The." Despite those, however, I like the simplicity of your cover.

AFTER READING

Off the bat, I can tell that you're a pretty strong writer. You use a good balance of show and tell—description and dialogue—but make sure you slow down and check your work afterward to avoid little errors that could've been fixed prior to publishing. For example, you said:

"Are you dizzy? Here why don't I- Wait! Your bleeding from your forehead!"

Make sure you use commas appropriately. There would be a pause in the dialogue after "here" so it would be "here, why don't..."

Also, "your" and "you're" are often mixed up since they're homophones. Remember, "your" is possessive.

Ex: "It's your word against mine," she said.

On the other hand, "you're" essentially means you are. If you get confused, just read your sentence aloud but replace "you're" with "you are" and see if it makes sense.

Ex: "But you're my best friend," he said.

Another thing I noticed is that you used a hyphen instead of an em dash. The em dash is used to separate dialogue, like an abrupt addition or a side note, which I can tell is what you were trying to do. The purpose of a hyphen combines two words to make it one, and "i" and "wait" aren't words you combine. So, it would be corrected to:

"Are you dizzy? Here, why don't I—wait! You're bleeding from your forehead!"

These are just little things I noticed throughout your book. A little proofreading can easily fix them!

I was wondering what the purpose of having Act 1 and Act 2 in the story, and I realized that after Act 2, Nari slowly learns to rely on others and not put everything on her shoulders. I thought that was a nice little addition and really helped her character development.

FOCUSES

Writing Style

You have a good balance between description and dialogue, as I previously stated. Sometimes, your dialogue is unnecessarily a bit long. Economy is good in writing because it reinforces the concept of less words to get the point across. Try to break up your dialogue if you have a lot to say and add in interjections so you don't just have a giant block of text.

Characters

I was pleasantly surprised that you didn't choose to develop just Namjoon and Nari, but it was the fifth chapter and other characters were getting development too—Minji, Jungkook, and Taehyung.

I think the development between Nari and Namjoon is very sweet and not too rushed but not too dragged on. He is aware that her "perfection" is just what she tries to be and she gradually opens up to being more vulnerable around him.

Good job on fleshing out your characters!

ADVICE

Most of what I wanted to say was said previously but just remember to keep your writing economic. When you let your description become filler text, it drags the story on. Make sure you write so that the readers can understand the most complex things in the simplest of words.

I appreciate that Nari wants to change and she takes steps to change without Namjoon—I hope her character remains independent like that.

ENDING NOTE

Your concept is one I don't see much, and I applaud you for that. You have a very solid story and you only have minor things to fix (nothing related to plot) so good luck! You have a very good story!

We remind you to credit us, thebtswriters, and your reviewer, asakayu, in the description of your story for giving you a review. Thank you for requesting!