Bangtan Writers Reviews

Pure Seduction by @Le_Mochi

Pure Seduction by Le_Mochi
Review by tsushibui

IMPRESSION BEFORE READING

you present to me: a rollercoaster.

at first, i was just a passing stranger waiting to conquer the next thrilling ride when i stumbled into yours. the cover is what attracted me; it was simple but eye-catching. it made me want to join the ride. but i wasn't quite convinced yet. i stared at the title, and it peaked my interest a bit. Pure Seduction? straightforward but sexy, i wonder how that works into the plot.

now, i check the description for it.

it shows me a peek of what i was going into. a little... too much, perhaps. and it does nothing to correlate with the title nor the ride. but i must say, maybe there's more to it.

i strapped on to my seat, ready to dive into the ride filled with excitement in my veins and expectations. it heaves. it locked me into place, and i close my eyes in anticipation.

the prologue starts.

it reels me into the air, ready to drop me and fill my hunger of an exciting chapter. only to realize that i got sucked into a rollercoaster of.... flashbacks, adverbs, small fry grammar mistakes, and telling me the obvious.

i jump off the ride.

but i can't, i'm stuck. shoot.

AFTER READING

i finally got off the ride!!

and no, it's not me rejoicing. it's me hoping that it could've been MORE. the ride ended the moment you started with flashbacks. became unclimatic with your whiny MC, and became bumpy with adverbs and small fry grammar mistakes.

the plot--at its core--is really interesting. i'm actually wondering on where the story will steer forth. (i've read chapters 1-5 as well as the prologue) i like the idea of having to live with your sins forever, like an infinite loop of torture, it's quite fitting for us humans. and i'm wondering on how taehyung will cope up in being a vampire with his whiny, cowardly self lolol. in short, your plot is stable enough to carry your story on its backbone. great job! 💞

next, characterization. i'm very strict when it comes to this. i've mentioned this a few times now, but when it comes to it, i don't like taehyung (your taehyung in the story). okay, so he's living with the guilt and decides to end himself. now that jungkook's given him another chance in life, he's being a whiny coward. he's like a child, different from the persona he displayed when he murdered his father after years of keeping silence. actually, shouldn't that be some kind of character development? here, taehyung finally stands up for himself and for his sister, then in the next chapter, he's back to being a coward...eh.

i'd actually prefer jungkook's character over his, at least the boi knows what he's doing and he's acting according to his status and style of dialogue.

the flow-- it's fine. i think it's pacing the way you want it to and it shows, so good job :'>

writing style-- disconnected and too narrative. uses adverbs too much. (briskly, sadly, abruptly) will elaborate later.

FOCUSES

first impression:

ah, here it is. you gave me a ride that i was yearning to experience, but then you harshly cut me out with an unclimatic start. how? you gave me a flashback.