"It is that I'm not gay, otherwise this look would have killed me." Gwilym bites his lip slightly while he lets his eyes drift over Rami's body. Rami has just walked out in his costume for the day. It was a copy of a jumpsuit Freddie has once worn. The fabric clings tightly to his legs and arms. The front of the top half is completely open. Which leaves most of Rami's chest completely exposed. Rami poses and does some spins for the three guys in front of him. All three are sitting half on top of each other due to the little space the couch is offering them.
"Time for shooting." Scott walks in. It is the favourite crewmember of the four boys. He is just a funny guy to be around. Scott is always in a good mood which makes working together with him a pleasure. The older crewmember leads them to the stage where they will be shooting today's scene while the boys are mumbling phrases to get themselves into character.
Ben takes place behind the drum. Gwil grabs his electric guitar before glancing at the small crowd that has gathered in front of the podium. Behind the crowd, he sees a man with an impressive amount of grey curls. In the right hand, he holds a small camera so he can record everything that is going on. With his free hand, he gives the boys on stage portraying him and his three band members a thumbs up. Roger, who is standing next to Brian, just gives the boys a small nod in approval.
Meanwhile, Joe has put the strap of the bass guitar around his shoulder. Grabbing the neck of the bass tightly. Rami has walked over to the front of the podium. Half of a mic stand is already in his hand. When the director calls for action the playback fills the ears of all the people in the room. The boys start playing and although they are not heard by anyone in the room for them it feels like they are the rockstars.
After a while, the director calls for a break. The boys walk off the stage. They are all sweaty from the warm spotlights that have been shining on them for the past two hours. When they are all seated in one of the common rooms they start talking. At one point Ben asks how Rami and Lucy are doing.
"Good, very good. She is the love of my life." Rami admits. Joe notices how Rami's cheeks are changing to a very light shade of pink.
"So, Ben. How is your love life going mate?" Gwil turns to Ben. The blonde takes his time to respond: "Well, not that great, to be honest with you. I was hitting on this girl for the last few weeks. It turns out that she thought I was gay and just looking for a friend. So that didn't go anywhere."
Joe feels his nervous feelings getting through again. His heart starts to beat at irregular beats. The hollow feeling in his stomach makes him want to run to the toilet and throw up. While his hands are all sweaty he feels his mouth getting dry. Somehow most of their conversations would end up in a gay comment. Joe, who never came out as bisexual to his friends, feels the anxiety kicking in every time someone mentions being gay. He knows all too well that his friends are not being disrespectful to the whole LGTBQ+ community. They are just joking with each other. Not knowing anything about Joe's problems. Normally Joe would just sit there in silence until the topic would change. Luckily for him, his friends never noticed him being quiet at times.
But today was different. Joe is feeling so nauseous that he jumped out of his chair. He opens the door and sprints to his trailer. Right before the door closes behind him he hears Rami's voice calling his name in confusion. Joe is so deep in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice all the crewmembers looking at him and calling his name. Luckily his trailer isn't that far away. As soon as he enters his trailer he slams the door shut. Inmiddiatly he turns the lock. He grabs a chair to put under the doorknob so no one will be able to open it from the outside. He closes all the curtains. He doesn't want to be seen by anyone in this state. Tears are already streaming down his face. Carefully he takes off his costume. He wants to wear more comfortable clothes instead of the tightfitting jeans. He lays the pieces of clothing carefully on the table. From underneath his bed, he grabs the box with spare clothes. He throws on a hoodie and some sweatpants before he lets himself fall on the bed. He is more than happy that he doesn't have a wig today.
As soon as his head hits the pillows he feels his emotions taking over once again. With his hands, he grabs the blanket underneath him to grip tight. He hopes to get his anger out in this way. A short knock on the door interrupts the sad scene happing inside the trailer.
"You alright, Joe?" Ben's voice is heard from behind the door. Joe bites his lip as he feels the stream of tears getting worse.
"It's just me. I know you're in there. Please let me in." Joe can hear the worried undertone in Ben's voice which immediately causes a big amount of guilt to build up deep inside of him. One part of him wants to remain silent and the other part wants to yell for Ben to go away. Although he wants to do the last one, he can't bring up the strength to do it. Instead, he remains silent. Hoping his soft sobs can't be heard from outside.
Joe can hear some whispering going on on the other side of the door. One of them has to be Ben. Their voices are so quiet that Joe can't recognize which person the second voice belongs too. After a minute or so the whispering stops. Joe hears footsteps walking away from his trailer. He lets out a shaky sigh. His thoughts are driving himself crazy. Although the waterfall of tears has been replaced by some falling tears here and there Joe feels worse than before. A soft knock on the door is once again heard.
"Joe, it's me, Brian. Could you please open the door?" I want to talk to you." For a second Joe wants to stay in bed but he knows he shouldn't turn the help from Brian down. When he is almost at the door he takes a deep breath.
"Is it only you?" His voice cracks halfway through the sentence. He already moved the chair out of the way. His hand hovers above the lock to open it.
"Yes, it is." Brian answers. Joe opens the lock and turns the doorknob. As soon as Brian sees the way younger actor he wraps his arm around the boy. While he closes the door with his foot so nobody else can see Joe's breakdown. Brian lays his chin on the top of Joe's head when he feels that Joe starts shaking again.
*****
Heyy,
Thanks for reading! I worked so hard on this chapter (and the upcoming ones). Let me know what your thoughts are!
Disclaimer! (Added on 18-9-2020)
No, Ben and Joe are not together. I, by no means, think that they are together. I see Hardzello as a bromance and nothing more than that. They have been through a lot together and are just really close. The reason I wrote this is because I was challenged by a friend to write about a gay ship. The first ship that came to mind was Hardzello. So, I decided to start writing and just stuck with it. I write it purely for entertainment sake. Not because Ben and Joe are a real couple. If you are triggered by fanfics like this, please just stop reading. If you enjoy reading fanfics like this, enjoy reading! If you are Ben or Joe and you are uncomfortable with this fanfic. Please contact me. I have decided to write this disclaimer because some people send me rather aggressive messages saying that I should delete this fanfic.
Byee
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I'm going slightly mad // Hardzello
قصص الهواة"I am bi." He stops for a second to think before he continues: "Who am I kidding? I am gay." The last part he almost whispers. Tears start streaming down his face again once again. "Alright. Congratulations. So what is the big deal?" Brian has plac...
