Angelic Mask-(s.m)

39

S H A W N-

I have been such a mess the last couple of weeks without Athena and the guilt was eating me alive. I hated myself for doing this to her, I don't even know how she is because I can't even contact her.

She blocked my number, the security at her apartment block won't let me in and she's left her job. She's found every single way to stay away and cut me out of her life, but she has the full right to do that.

It's true when people say, 'you never appreciate what you have until you lose it' and it has never hit me so hard then it has since loosing Athena.

I sit here hating myself everyday knowing the horrible and harsh things I said to her that hurt her a lot. No one should ever say horrible things like that to anyone, especially Athena she never deserved any of that.

She didn't deserve anything that happened to her, and I prayed she was always kept happy yet I was the only who ruined it for her.

Right now, I was in Chicago at the Church where Tony and Rina were holding the Christening for their baby. I took a deep breath and fixed my white shirt before walking up the steps and saying hello to Rina's family members that were walking in and out.

"Shawn!" I heard my name be called out and I turned to see Ted Rina's brother.

"Ted how are you?" I asked as I shook his hand.

"Good, damn I haven't seen you in almost a year. You look so different" he says and I laughed.

"You look different too and I can hear the Australian accent you're developing" I say and he nodded. Just then Rina's dad called his name needing some help with something.

"I'll see you inside, I need to go and say hi to Tony and Rina" I say before I walked inside the Church.

People were already sitting down but the ceremony thankfully hadn't started yet. I walked down to the end where Rina and Tony where. "Hey guys" I said and they both turned and their expressions had dropped.

"Hey Shawn you made it!" Tony greeted me as he shook my hand.

"Hey" was all Rina said as she stood beside Tony. It seems like they heard about me and Athena considering they didn't look happy with my appearance at the Christening.

"Thank you for coming, please take a seat" Tony says and I turned walking back as I took a seat in the back few rows. Maybe Athena was here, she had to be here she would never miss this.

I sighed as I just watched the preparations going on and then suddenly my eyes were caught by the figure in the far corner.

Athena.

Wearing a beautiful white dress which shows purity the with in her. Everyone was wearing white, but she looked like a real life angel with such a pure face as well as a pure heart. She stood there holding a box while Rina was talking to her.

Her eyes were swollen and she had bags under her eyes. Her skin was so pale and dried, as well as her body looked thinner. She looked extremely exhausted but she still kept a smile on her face. When I knew deep down that smile was just put there so no one would say anything.

But I knew deep down inside she was hurt, I could see it all on her face the hurt. I hated myself after seeing her face and the way she looked, it was hurting me seeing her like this. However she then took a seat right in the front row but at the end and kept her arms folded as she watched everything that was going on.

Everyone was seat now and the ceremony has started. I was too busy watching Athena who was dazed with the whole ceremony. Then when everyone started clapping and cheering I snapped out of my gaze.

Then people started clearing out to go back to Rina and Tony's house for the little celebration party they were holding. I see Rina speak to Athena and then Rina nodded before walking out. Everyone had cleared out and she was just sat right at the front.

She let out a deep breath before saying something I couldn't hear that well and then she started crying into her hands. My heart broke immediately when her quiet sobs echoed the empty church hall.

I stood up not being able to watch her just cry. I took a deep breath before I slowly started waking.

This is your fault.

I reminded myself as I went and sat down right next to her. She wiped her eyes and looked at me, and just in that spilt second her breath hitched in the back of her throat before she shuffled away from me.

"Athena?" I whispered and she didn't give me any response.

"Athena I can't begin to tell how sorry I am, I feel so awful for doing what I did and saying what I had said. I am so incredibly sorry and I hate myself for knowing that I've put you through hell" I say and she looked up at me with her glossy eyes.

"Okay" was all she said.

"And I love you. I really do love you, I love you so much that it hurts. Knowing everything that I did to make you like this" I say as my voice cracked.

"Okay" she repeated and I looked at her. Everything about her just showed pain that she wouldn't even show any emotion towards me.

"I love you" I say and she shook her head.

"No you don't" she says.

"I do Athena, I love you so much I really do" I say.

"They're just words that don't mean anything to me" she says with a sigh and that just showed how hurt she was.

"I mean it Athena since that day I've been hating myself for doing that to you. I feel so horrible for everything I did and said to you, I have never regretted anything more in my whole ever then I don't letting you go. That was the worst mistake I have ever made which was letting you go" I say to her.

"Well I'm glad you realised my worth but it's too late" she says.

"Please Athena, forgive me. I can't sleep at night knowing how much I hurt you" I say.

"Well I haven't slept either because of you, I can't do anything, I can't feel anything. I can't even eat. You will never know how much you have hurt me. And you will never know the hell I feel in my head. How much I hate myself? How much I hate that I can't trust people anymore, how I cant make myself happy anymore." She says and I shook my head.

"I sit every night in my bed hating myself for never being enough for anyone. Because at the end of the day no matter how much I do or have tried to do it's never enough. I feel so worthless and lonely that I can't even explain it to you" she says and my heart ached at her words.

I ruined her completely.

"I wish I could hurt you the same way that you hurt me but I know even if I was given the chance, I still wouldn't do it" she says before she stood and wiped her eyes and quietly walked out of the church.

My heart physically broke knowing how much I've hurt her. I really hate myself now for making her the way she is right now. Tears trickled down my cheeks and I wiped them away.

I realised she was the best thing that ever happened to me but I let it all go, and I may never get it back.

Please God help me get her back...